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Old 11-24-2010, 02:25 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hi Carrie,

I haven't posted much because I just started on fitday a little over a month ago, but I sympathize with you.

You described a few things that hit a chord with me: living with boyfriend, eating like him, and then getting a nasty surprise on the scale. That describes my situation too and I understand the shame that you described.

My wakeup call came when I had to buy a bathing suit to go to a waterpark. I hadn't bought one in years specifically because I didn't want to get in a bathing suit because I didn't like my body. It was hard to take a good look at myself in the department store mirrors. I have some pretty wide, angry, red, stretch-marks on my thighs (inner and outer), on my lovehandles, and some on my breasts. I was purposefully ignoring them (and didn't have big floor length mirrors in my home so I sort of lost my sense of perception).

Also, I didn't own a scale so when I stepped on the scale in October (during canadian thanksgiving) and the scale read 177.5 lbs I hated myself intensely.

Also, an incident happened the other night when I got on the public bus, a crazy lady (sorry I don't know how else to describe her - very talkative), said as I got on "Why do all you fat girls where black?". There I am wearing black, it's my winter coat so it's making me look bulkier. I go and take a seat and me and another lady (also wearing black, also overweight) exchange sad looks.

However, that number on the scale is still just a number and it doesn't control your life, you control it!

I decided to not let myself feel guilty while at the waterpark, I went and I had fun, I wore the tankini style and the skirted bottom style and didn't feel too bad. I promised myself that next year I will be less bulky and hopefully my stretch marks will have faded some.

At thanksgiving, I had my meal, although a smaller plate, had very little refined carbs, and lots of vegetables, and enjoyed my time with family.

Finally, on the bus, after the initial shock and guilty feeling, I reminded myself that I'm not letting the situation stagnate, that I have a plan, that I'm following that plan, that it's healthy and that I'll get there eventually (and that crazy ladies' opinions are of no consequence to me).

If you're anything like me though, other than crying, you've probably felt pretty depressed about the whole situation. It's helped me to buy some vitamin D, and to do some things that are comforting to me (other than eating!). I used to really like watching anime (japanese animation) so I've recently gotten back into that which made me feel nostalgic and giddy, I also joined fitday and read these forums everyday and I love the attitude here, I also get a fair amount of sleep and try to avoid napping (I attribute wanting to sleep all the time to depression - an avoidance method). All of these combined have helped fighting depression and a low self-esteem and on a day-to-day basis I'm a happier girl than what I was only 6 weeks ago. Find out what steps work for you and do it, and then eventually the scale will start going the way you want it to.
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Old 11-24-2010, 02:32 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by christineval View Post
My wake up call was when I was my highest 253 I realized that I weight almost the same as my dad who is over 6 feet and 265! I was devestated. That is why I am trying so hard to get down but it doesnt seem to want to come off at all now again!
I know what you mean. I'm almost the same weight as my dad and boyfriend! And they're both well over half a foot taller than I am. Ugh. I'm really going to push myself this time.
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Old 11-24-2010, 02:35 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MischaKitty View Post
Hi Carrie,

I haven't posted much because I just started on fitday a little over a month ago, but I sympathize with you.

You described a few things that hit a chord with me: living with boyfriend, eating like him, and then getting a nasty surprise on the scale. That describes my situation too and I understand the shame that you described.

My wakeup call came when I had to buy a bathing suit to go to a waterpark. I hadn't bought one in years specifically because I didn't want to get in a bathing suit because I didn't like my body. It was hard to take a good look at myself in the department store mirrors. I have some pretty wide, angry, red, stretch-marks on my thighs (inner and outer), on my lovehandles, and some on my breasts. I was purposefully ignoring them (and didn't have big floor length mirrors in my home so I sort of lost my sense of perception).

Also, I didn't own a scale so when I stepped on the scale in October (during canadian thanksgiving) and the scale read 177.5 lbs I hated myself intensely.

Also, an incident happened the other night when I got on the public bus, a crazy lady (sorry I don't know how else to describe her - very talkative), said as I got on "Why do all you fat girls where black?". There I am wearing black, it's my winter coat so it's making me look bulkier. I go and take a seat and me and another lady (also wearing black, also overweight) exchange sad looks.

However, that number on the scale is still just a number and it doesn't control your life, you control it!

I decided to not let myself feel guilty while at the waterpark, I went and I had fun, I wore the tankini style and the skirted bottom style and didn't feel too bad. I promised myself that next year I will be less bulky and hopefully my stretch marks will have faded some.

At thanksgiving, I had my meal, although a smaller plate, had very little refined carbs, and lots of vegetables, and enjoyed my time with family.

Finally, on the bus, after the initial shock and guilty feeling, I reminded myself that I'm not letting the situation stagnate, that I have a plan, that I'm following that plan, that it's healthy and that I'll get there eventually (and that crazy ladies' opinions are of no consequence to me).

If you're anything like me though, other than crying, you've probably felt pretty depressed about the whole situation. It's helped me to buy some vitamin D, and to do some things that are comforting to me (other than eating!). I used to really like watching anime (japanese animation) so I've recently gotten back into that which made me feel nostalgic and giddy, I also joined fitday and read these forums everyday and I love the attitude here, I also get a fair amount of sleep and try to avoid napping (I attribute wanting to sleep all the time to depression - an avoidance method). All of these combined have helped fighting depression and a low self-esteem and on a day-to-day basis I'm a happier girl than what I was only 6 weeks ago. Find out what steps work for you and do it, and then eventually the scale will start going the way you want it to.
Wow, thank you for the awesome reply! This really helps I lost 4 pounds this week so I'm starting to have faith that it'll go back down and I'll be happy again
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Old 11-24-2010, 03:12 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I completely feel your pain.
Last time I weighed myself before this journey I was at 245lbs. Imagine my horror when I got on to discover I'd gained over 50lbs. I was also distraught, but I was never going to give up just because I had such a long way to go.
When people turn to me and ask 'Have you lost weight?', I can say 'Yup, 65lbs and counting!'. Every negative has a positive my lovely.
Good luck with your journey, and I hope this has been the kick up the butt you needed. x
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January 2nd 2013 - 288.4lbs
March 6th 2013 - 256.2lbs
-32.2lbs
19.75 Inches lost so far!
First Goal:March 23rd 2013 (birthday) - reach 250lbs
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Old 11-24-2010, 11:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi Carrie,

I can't really add much to what has been said already. But I probably will... I think we all have to go through that process. A reality check that makes us take a long, hard look at ourselves.

When I was at my heaviest I had no scales in the house. I would say flippantly 'oh, I don't believe in scales' and convince myself that I wasn't that bad. Seeing pics from a party I was at a year ago today, and then the Xmas pics made me think again. I really WAS that bad, my big moon face, huge fat arms and big belly on my small frame.I looked horrible. And I realised I FELT horrible too.

I DID buy a good set of scales and I will never forget how it made me feel to see I weighed more than I even imagined. I cried too. Then I got mad at myself, then I got determined.

You have been given a lot of good advice so far and you seem to be at a place where you realise that 'dieting' isn't going to do it for you.

I can only say that I hope you look back at that moment somewhere down the line and realise that stepping on that scale was a blessing and the boot up the arse that you really needed. You won't be crying about it then, you will be celebrating it!

YOU have it in you to change your whole attitude and approach to food and exercise. And right here at Fitday you have the tools to help you do it and the support of people in the same boat when you need it.

I think your post touched so many of us cos we have all been there, or are there.

Good luck on your journey, and it is a journey! But what's that old saying? 'The longest journey begins with a single step' (I think!) and you have take that step, and when you start walking, the miles really fly by.
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Old 11-24-2010, 11:11 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Don't give up! I know it is discouraging but we always start with one first step. It is going to happen, it will just take some time. Nothing good is ever easy. You can do this at 210 or 230. Be determined now more than ever...good luck!
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