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Old 08-31-2010, 01:53 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default How to cope better with in a negative work place..

i am going back to work this thursday.. i am kind of weary because my work environment is very negative.. most of the people i encounter being in the air force look down on especially on someone being overweight in the air force.

it is just a very negative and judgmental work environment that has gotten me down in the past and effected my confidence level in a hugeee way.. so i am hoping you all can help me out with ways to cope.. my job is in a male dominant career field so its hard for all women.. harder for overweight women..

Last edited by slomoho1; 08-31-2010 at 02:14 AM.
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Old 08-31-2010, 02:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I know how hard it can be to face negative co-workers when being overweight is an easy target for them. I understand the military would be even more difficult due to the demands that are placed on a person to be physically fit. Men and women can be equaliy inconsiderate of others feelings, but the problem with being in a male dominate career field is the fact that we know most men tend to have a unrealistic idea of what they believe a women should or shouldn't look like. This causes major insecurities in us, and unfortunately most of us tend to have such low self esteem that we don't do anything to demand the respect that we deserve. My advice is if someone makes a remark that you're able to hear, to confront them face to face about it. Most times, they don't realize they are being heard, and the confrontation alone embarrases them and also makes them aware of the fact that 1) you won't tolerate anyones childish ill behavior and 2) you demand respect by putting them in their place.

Many times the reason someone starts pointing out our size is due to their own psychological insecurity. It's their way of trying to raise up their own self esteem because theirs too is very low, whether they will admit it or not (This is a common act in school, but also among adults). Many times it's because they have their own flaw that they are trying to cover up by pointing out another persons.

I know this may not be the answer you are looking for, but the best way to combat a person that exhibits this behavior is to 1) confront them and show them your strengths by doing so and 2) Not allowing their words to effect you by thinking to yourself 'They too have flaws though you are choosing to be more adult about it by not exploiting them to make yourself feel better.

You also need to think to yourself (I do this too) How you have many amazing traits, and the people that can only see skin deep are shallow. Yes, you can be a knockout too, but though it is Cliché 'Beauty is within'. We can change the size that we are, we can make ourselves appear more beautiful but our hearts will determine if that outter beauty is worth anything.

So what you need to realize is You are naturally beautiful inside, You can always make yourself Beautiful on the outside, but for those smucks that may be negative towards you, Their inner beauty is deeply flawed, though their outter beauty may be okay, they are seriously without.

You need to realize this, so you can build your confidence in yourself, and show those smucks that a negative attitude can't bring you down. They will respect you for it over time.
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Old 08-31-2010, 03:31 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Crimpet View Post
I know how hard it can be to face negative co-workers when being overweight is an easy target for them. I understand the military would be even more difficult due to the demands that are placed on a person to be physically fit. Men and women can be equaliy inconsiderate of others feelings, but the problem with being in a male dominate career field is the fact that we know most men tend to have a unrealistic idea of what they believe a women should or shouldn't look like. This causes major insecurities in us, and unfortunately most of us tend to have such low self esteem that we don't do anything to demand the respect that we deserve. My advice is if someone makes a remark that you're able to hear, to confront them face to face about it. Most times, they don't realize they are being heard, and the confrontation alone embarrases them and also makes them aware of the fact that 1) you won't tolerate anyones childish ill behavior and 2) you demand respect by putting them in their place.

Many times the reason someone starts pointing out our size is due to their own psychological insecurity. It's their way of trying to raise up their own self esteem because theirs too is very low, whether they will admit it or not (This is a common act in school, but also among adults). Many times it's because they have their own flaw that they are trying to cover up by pointing out another persons.

I know this may not be the answer you are looking for, but the best way to combat a person that exhibits this behavior is to 1) confront them and show them your strengths by doing so and 2) Not allowing their words to effect you by thinking to yourself 'They too have flaws though you are choosing to be more adult about it by not exploiting them to make yourself feel better.

You also need to think to yourself (I do this too) How you have many amazing traits, and the people that can only see skin deep are shallow. Yes, you can be a knockout too, but though it is Cliché 'Beauty is within'. We can change the size that we are, we can make ourselves appear more beautiful but our hearts will determine if that outter beauty is worth anything.

So what you need to realize is You are naturally beautiful inside, You can always make yourself Beautiful on the outside, but for those smucks that may be negative towards you, Their inner beauty is deeply flawed, though their outter beauty may be okay, they are seriously without.

You need to realize this, so you can build your confidence in yourself, and show those smucks that a negative attitude can't bring you down. They will respect you for it over time.


THANKS I think this time around with the weight loss i have a better support system too thank God. i never used to feel like this UNTIL i joined the military. i am tired of not living my life the way i want to, so i intend to change things.. thanks for your advice what i needed to hear
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Old 09-01-2010, 12:14 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I worked in a very male dominated field for 13 years, I'm an architect, so I worked with a wide range of men, some wore suits and some wore hard hats and tool belts. I was queen sized and then some the whole time. I found the best way to deal with any commentary (male or otherwise), was to do my job to the very best of my abilities, there's is pride in that and I was well respected for it. I did have a few instances where the behavior of some of the men was beyond acceptable and when they were out of line I let them know that they were offensive and that I am very much a lady and expect to be treated as such. Twice the comments were so offensive that individuals were fired. In one instance I was not the first or only woman to complain, the other time I stood alone, but the individual was fired immediately and the company he worked for made a very public apology to me and the company I worked for. After that I really didn't have any more trouble.
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Old 09-01-2010, 02:02 PM   #5 (permalink)
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slomoho, it is so important that you work on this now, because the comments won't stop when you do lose the weight you want. These people will find some other thing to comment on.

I work in a male dominated field (I graduated as one of 7 women out of 400 people in my class in university). I was thin and hit on a lot. I was called "legs" by a few men in my workplace. I was very self conscious because I just wanted to get my work done and learn. Unfortunately, the old school male mentality made it really difficult. I often questioned my abilities and my self esteem was at an all time low. I managed to persevere and show that I was not just legs, but that my brain was my best asset and I now have the respect that I deserve (it helps being 13 years older too).
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Old 09-10-2010, 06:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Smile Slomoho1 HI!!

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Originally Posted by slomoho1 View Post
i am going back to work this thursday.. i am kind of weary because my work environment is very negative.. most of the people i encounter being in the air force look down on especially on someone being overweight in the air force.

it is just a very negative and judgmental work environment that has gotten me down in the past and effected my confidence level in a hugeee way.. so i am hoping you all can help me out with ways to cope.. my job is in a male dominant career field so its hard for all women.. harder for overweight women..


HI I would love to talk to you -- I started at 260 also and my husband is in the A.F. and stationed at Luke AFB. --We had a friend kicked out of the military because of his weight and we were very close to him and his family and many men made very rude comments to him the entire time he was in the A.F. He was treated different..badly.. because of his weight. I personally know the pain of being obese too!!! I too could go to the base for free to work out but I would not feel comfortable going there at my weight!! I really need to find a place to work out and have a work out buddy. I hate working out but I know I need to really badly!! My goal weight is at least 150 but 140 would be even better. Feel free to talk to me too!!! I would love to have someone that can relate. Same starting weight and goal
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