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-   -   Stress and my MOTHER! (http://www.fitday.com/fitness/forums/support-group-just-women/185-stress-my-mother.html)

jessithon 01-19-2010 12:19 AM

Stress and my MOTHER!
 
Hi Gals! (please forgive me if i vent a bit)

i have been trying to change my eating and exercise habits for a few months now and i have been doing GREAT. THEN, my mother comes to visit. :eek:

she is the type of person that complains about being fat, but doesn't want to do anything about it. i think that she is a little jealous that my husband and i have made such a drastic change in our lifestyles and have been successful with it, but she doesn't want to support me very much. she is also very high maintenance and difficult to be around sometimes.

in fact, during her visit we were discussing what to eat for dinner and she told me (in not so many words) that she and my step-dad "don't eat like you guys do and would appreciate it if we could just bear with them and do what they wanted" (again these weren't her EXACT words, but pretty close)

i tried to do my best with what we were "allowed" to eat, but the woman stresses me out SO much that i completely fell off my wagon and started stress eating (and drinking).

i am hoping that you ladies on this forum have any tips for getting through uber stressful/emotional times. how do you not just dive into chunky monkey and drown your sorrows in chocolate martinis?

babs7119 01-24-2010 04:02 AM

I completely understand how you feel. My mother is obese and diabetic. She does nothing about it and always comes to my house wanting to discourage me by saying "oh God you are always dieting, I just don't worry about it" Like that is great support. NOT! LOL She is in the hospital right now as I am typing this due to her not doing the things she should for her health. When her health goes down hill I get stressed out and end up over eatting myself. I wish I had some advice except that I have just realized this time I am in charge of my life and she is in charge of her's. Best of luck to you!

moondustt 02-19-2010 05:51 PM

Well there is not much to do but you might have to put your foot down and say this is my house and if they want to fist let alone eat there their going to have to put up with the heathy stuff.
Good luck <3

Fox_889 02-19-2010 06:45 PM

Well I guess my title would be STRESS AND MY DAUGHTER...lol I take care of my 3 yr old grandson every day but when she gets home from work she doesn't pick him up and go home, she stays and raids my frig, turns the tv on some crap show she wants to watch so I end up babysitting for 2-3 hours more a day. Weekends, it takes her till about l0 a.m. and here they come again, sat. and sun. I have another daughter with two kids and between them i NEVER get a break..I truely love my grandkids but by the end of the week I'm about ready to rip my hair out! This usually leads to alcohol which leads to overeating. How do you tell your daughter enough is enough...GO HOME!

showmenow 02-19-2010 07:04 PM

My neighbor across the street babysits and she is at the door with her purse in hand waiting when the last child is picked up. She hands the child to the parent and gets in her car. Maybe you could do the same- be at the door waiting, hand the kiddo off and leave. Tell her you have things to do. Just go drive around the block until she is long gone :) After a few days I am sure she would get the hint! As for the weekends- tell them you have plans and won't be home in the morning. Then really get up and go have some time to yourself. Go for a walk or do some window shopping. Anything to get out of the house and give yourself some ME time. Then sneak back home, lock doors, take the phone off the hook and have a good long afternoon nap! Your daughters will never know the difference :)

Deanna

cjohnson728 02-19-2010 07:16 PM

Book Recommendation
 
This thread reminds me...there are a ton of "pop psychology" books out about families, relationships, etc., but some of the best I have ever read are by John Bradshaw. There is one called Bradshaw on: The Family and it is excellent (and I can say that as someone in the mental health field).

Some of us have dysfunctional families, some of us don't. But for those who use food as a source of comfort and coping, it can often be traced back to family patterns and Bradshaw illustrates how. He also provides a lot of insight into how to identify codependent behaviors (these can range from giving in to protect the feelings of others, doing things you really don't want to do in order to keep the peace, and enaging in self-destructive coping skills like overeating and other indulgences). He also walks you through how to stop it.

I found the Bradshaw books during a time in my life when I felt out of control about a lot of things. Haven't felt that way since.

If it sounds like this might apply, pick it up and have a read. I found mine in the library but liked them so much I bought them.

showmenow 02-19-2010 07:29 PM

Cassie- my idea seemed so easy! LOL Glad you could give some serious information instead of "shut the door in their face" short term advice like mine :)

Deanna

cjohnson728 02-19-2010 07:36 PM

Oh, Deanna, tough love works really well, too, and it's only 2 words long!!


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