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deblgallagher 01-15-2010 03:50 AM

Its so fustratinggggg...
 
Hi guys,

Tonight my hubby found out my weight loss goal and pretty much told me he didnt apporve. Now just to clarify for every one Im not doing this for him! Im doing it to be healther for me. But he doesnt see that and its very fustrating and upsetting. I want his support thru this but I dont have it. How do I explain to him that I want to be heathier? In his mind, he thinks since Im sexy to him now, that if I lose weight other men will come on to me and Ill run off with them. It stresses me out even more to argue with him about this. Any advice guys and gals?

Thanks
Debbie:confused:

showmenow 01-15-2010 05:13 AM

I am so happy to hear you say that you are doing this for you. Let's think about this for a minute. There is not a damn thing he can do to stop you from losing short of sabotaging your food with extra calories or shoving food in your mouth and making you eat it. It is highly unlikely he will do either so I think you are safe there.

What if you were sick and lost weight? Would he be upset and jealous then? No. Well, maybe because you were sick but you get my point.

I say go about your business and drop the subject with him. He will see how great you look and will want to show you off to make EVERYONE ELSE jealous!!

I have a motto that I use that came about quite by accident in my business but it has carried forward to many other aspects of my life- YOUR problem is not MY problem.

I am a bit older than you (44) and have been married 20 years. About the time I turned 40 I realized that I just don't care what anyone else thinks. I think back about how my mom would embarrass me to death. Now I live to embarrass my kids too (14 and 16) :). I have finally reached the same point my mom did. She was living to have fun and didn't care what others thought and she still does.

Look at all the crazy old ladies you see, wearing the crazy hats, dancing around and just having a great time. They just don't care what others think! My point is, you will get to this stage too. Do what is right for YOU and don't worry about what others think. It is your husbands problem, do not let it become yours.

Deanna

missmaggieelizabeth 01-15-2010 06:12 AM

Hehehe I am one of those crazy old ladies. Not litte though. :^(

My hubby has finally become a little more supportive. Has taken him several months to understand I must do this for me. And also seeing how I have been eating and keeping track and still very little weight loss he is more understanding on how hard weight loss can be for some of us.

Debbie you hang in there and hope he will come around. If not then it is for you and is his problem that HE has a problem with you loosing weight. You need to do what makes you feel helathy. That is what is the most important.

Maggie

jessithon 01-19-2010 01:07 AM

Hang in there, sweetie!
 
Debbie,
I am so sorry to hear that you aren't getting the support at home that you need to reach your weight loss/health goal! :(

like others have said before me, good job for making this decision to change for YOU and no one else. when making a life changing decision you need to make sure that your are doing it for the right reasons, and you are.

if i may put my two cents in, i think that you need to really communicate to your husband that you would like to reach your goal and let him know how important it is to you. remind him that when you reach your goal, it will affect BOTH of you in one way or another. you will be happier, more energetic which may just rub off on him ;) you are obviously not happy with your current body and that affects your emotional well-being. if you are at a healthier weight, you will be able to be together for longer. (etc.)

it is possible for you to reach your weight loss goal without his support, but (in my experience) it is so much easier to do it when you have those around you backing you up. he doesn't have to make a huge lifestyle change to help you, but you would appreciate him being your cheerleader (and maybe not flaunt that he is eating his sixth cookie in front of you).

being married means that you are there for each other during the hard stuff, and not just big hard stuff (like bankruptcy and losing a loved one), but the "little" ones too.

if you are unable to convince him that your losing weight is a good thing for the both of you, try finding a good friend to be a workout buddy. make a pledge to each other to keep the fire burning under each other's butts.

i know that you have all of us on the forum, and we will do as much for you as we can :) but it is nice to have someone to give you a real life pat on the back every time you lose a pound.

hope this helps. hang in there and keep on keepin' on!

karinmoses 01-19-2010 01:34 AM

more about him than you??
 
Hi Debbie,
It sounds like this may be more of an issue of your husband's self esteem and self image rather than his view of you and how attractive you already are to him. You don't mention if your husband is in good shape or has any issues with weight. Could it be that he is threatened not by how you will be looking, but that he isn't able to make the committment to look after himself the same way? If this may be the case, I say keep forging ahead on your own journey, and instead of shying away or arguing with him, show him how attentive and happy you can be as you become healthier. If he feels reassured, who knows, he may not look at your weight loss as a threat, but as a way to feel great about the hot wife he's got....;)


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