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06-20-2010, 05:27 AM
#91
FitDay Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Washington State
Posts: 96
Speedy, thanks for the thanks. I thought I had shared waaaaaaaaay too much, but you guys have been on here longer and I wanted to catch you up to speed as to who I am and where I am coming from. Annnnnd btw, I weighed 246.2 this morning. Yippee!
I do really understand. I still think about the good things that I shared with what's his name. And, I sometimes daydream about having that again, but he would really have to do a 180. Plus he is married and the tidbits that I get from my DS--I don't ask, nor speak badly about him--he hasn't changed and never will because he doesn't see himself as others see him, who really know him. I've kept three of our friends from the military, well one is like my sister, and the married couple we shared. They all saw how he was. When she would visit to stay for a couple of days, he would go immediately to his room and stay the whole weekend. We had our pajama party in the living room. He was perfect to those that didn't know him and presented himself that way. He was immaculate and fastidious to a "T" which is what drew me to him and he was also a single parent. I thought that was neat, but Lord, if I only knew.
Anyway, this isn't about me, it is about you. I deeply understand and eventually you will come to an understanding about what kind of man he is and you'll stop being his door mat. What helped me was I understood that my husband had more than a problem, it was something mental and I researched it and when I found something that fit all his symptoms, I told my friends about it and they said and I quote, "You didn't know that!" So I supect he is undiagnosed as being bipolar, but as long as he can control his mini world and everyone in it, HE is OK, but everyone else... He also has something called OCPD which I was speaking to my friends about and it is being anal to the nth degree. But I am relaying this to you because what might help you is to find out where he is in the meantimes between your intervals? I was an MP in the military so I tend to think that way. It might get you miffed enough to turn him away the next time. And you said you had four and a half years together. Ask yourself how long ago was that and who and how did it end?
I'm not saying that it is an overnight process. I wanted mine back while the divorce was in process and asked him. Then I had someone else ask him. Then I was stuck in a chair and after three years, I told myself enough is enough and went back into the hospital to walk. I, with permission, had to miss my DS's graduation but it felt wonderful to stand next to him and my how he had grown. That one is 6'2 now. So you see, I not only understand but can empathize. But tell me this, if you roll garbage out to the curb, do you go out and get it before trash day? Another thought, what was your weight like when you were with him--don't answer, just a thought? What factors have changed about you, if any? Sometimes it is necessary to analyze a situation and pick and pull it apart. I don't think you have done that because your heart is still so full of love. You need to do some of this or whatever your mode of thinking is an attack this situation proactively instead of reactively as in waiting for the next time he calls.
I do really understand. I still think about the good things that I shared with what's his name. And, I sometimes daydream about having that again, but he would really have to do a 180. Plus he is married and the tidbits that I get from my DS--I don't ask, nor speak badly about him--he hasn't changed and never will because he doesn't see himself as others see him, who really know him. I've kept three of our friends from the military, well one is like my sister, and the married couple we shared. They all saw how he was. When she would visit to stay for a couple of days, he would go immediately to his room and stay the whole weekend. We had our pajama party in the living room. He was perfect to those that didn't know him and presented himself that way. He was immaculate and fastidious to a "T" which is what drew me to him and he was also a single parent. I thought that was neat, but Lord, if I only knew.
Anyway, this isn't about me, it is about you. I deeply understand and eventually you will come to an understanding about what kind of man he is and you'll stop being his door mat. What helped me was I understood that my husband had more than a problem, it was something mental and I researched it and when I found something that fit all his symptoms, I told my friends about it and they said and I quote, "You didn't know that!" So I supect he is undiagnosed as being bipolar, but as long as he can control his mini world and everyone in it, HE is OK, but everyone else... He also has something called OCPD which I was speaking to my friends about and it is being anal to the nth degree. But I am relaying this to you because what might help you is to find out where he is in the meantimes between your intervals? I was an MP in the military so I tend to think that way. It might get you miffed enough to turn him away the next time. And you said you had four and a half years together. Ask yourself how long ago was that and who and how did it end?
I'm not saying that it is an overnight process. I wanted mine back while the divorce was in process and asked him. Then I had someone else ask him. Then I was stuck in a chair and after three years, I told myself enough is enough and went back into the hospital to walk. I, with permission, had to miss my DS's graduation but it felt wonderful to stand next to him and my how he had grown. That one is 6'2 now. So you see, I not only understand but can empathize. But tell me this, if you roll garbage out to the curb, do you go out and get it before trash day? Another thought, what was your weight like when you were with him--don't answer, just a thought? What factors have changed about you, if any? Sometimes it is necessary to analyze a situation and pick and pull it apart. I don't think you have done that because your heart is still so full of love. You need to do some of this or whatever your mode of thinking is an attack this situation proactively instead of reactively as in waiting for the next time he calls.
06-20-2010, 10:48 PM
#92
FitDay Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,742
I just wanted to share a moment of success with everyone. On Saturday night I took hubby out to this brew pub we both love. Eating out is one of the hardest things for me, well probably for all of us here on the forum. Anyhow, this particular place is really bad for dieters, they make their own beer and then pour copious amounts of it into EVERYTHING on the menu, but their food is super yummy. Anyway I was already up to almost 1,000 calories when we walked in the door, and I had no particular plan of what to get either. So I looked over the menu, and started to weaken at the "wood oven fired pizza's", my usual order. But I stopped myself and turned the page back to the sandwiches and burgers. I ended up ordering the Angus steak burger, no bun, with mushrooms and bacon. And when the waitress said "would you like fries with that?". I said "would I ever, but bring me the fruit cup instead". It came with a dill pickle spear and steak sauce, and I washed it all down with a single pint of light beer (I used to get at least 2, sometimes 3 of the regular beer) and it was completely satisfying. So I ended the night at 1,610 calories, a serious victory for a Saturday, especially one that included a stop at the brew pub!
Speedy, I think what you need is a date with a new man. Not necessarily a new relationship, just a night out with someone who is not your ex. I'm also still thinking a martial arts class would be a good thing. That way the next time the ex treats you like trash, you can hi-ya him right in half. How dare he be such a pig to you!
blackrhino, Sorry to hear about your cookie binge, but it happens to all of us. I'm cracking up over the squats and lunges. I never feel like doing squats and lunges after cookies, more like nap and snoring for me LOL.
skinny, how was the pride parade? Any pink flamingos show up?
Jay, good morning, I just finished reading your novella. Good stuff honey, maybe you need to print it all out and get yourself an editor? Just a thought. I don't know what to think about your ex, but it does seem that he was rather undermedicated.... I've never heard of a man that hides in the bedroom before. Mine hides in the basement sometimes, but that's usually only after I've complained about something not working and he drags whatever down to the basement to fix it.
Well my coffee cup is raised up to all of you lovelies, here's to a great week, and a couple of pounds gone forever - salute. And now it's time for me to change into my workout clothes and sweat.
Speedy, I think what you need is a date with a new man. Not necessarily a new relationship, just a night out with someone who is not your ex. I'm also still thinking a martial arts class would be a good thing. That way the next time the ex treats you like trash, you can hi-ya him right in half. How dare he be such a pig to you!
blackrhino, Sorry to hear about your cookie binge, but it happens to all of us. I'm cracking up over the squats and lunges. I never feel like doing squats and lunges after cookies, more like nap and snoring for me LOL.
skinny, how was the pride parade? Any pink flamingos show up?
Jay, good morning, I just finished reading your novella. Good stuff honey, maybe you need to print it all out and get yourself an editor? Just a thought. I don't know what to think about your ex, but it does seem that he was rather undermedicated.... I've never heard of a man that hides in the bedroom before. Mine hides in the basement sometimes, but that's usually only after I've complained about something not working and he drags whatever down to the basement to fix it.
Well my coffee cup is raised up to all of you lovelies, here's to a great week, and a couple of pounds gone forever - salute. And now it's time for me to change into my workout clothes and sweat.
06-21-2010, 12:26 AM
#93
FitDay Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 131
My secret is a high protein, low-fat, low-cal, low-carb diet. I shoot for a calorie pie chart that is 40% carbs, 40% protein and 20% good fats, and a burn/intake deficit of 1,000-1,500 calories (total calories 1,350-1,650). I've set my "lifestyle" is set to "seated with some movement", I have no idea how accurate that is, but so far it's a fair enough estimate and I try and enter as much of my day as I can remember. I work out 1 hour most days (usually running or on the elliptical and try to maintain a heart rate of 145 for 40-50 minutes). I usually give myself Sunday off, and work in the garden or yard instead, which actually burns more calories than my workout because I'm at it most of the day. I don't really know if I'm proud of myself or not, I feel more energetic and I'm thrilled to be wearing size 12 clothes, but I don't know that "proud" has been a factor. The weird part is that I think I'm now the size I've always perceived myself to be. Does that make sense?
At 244 I weighed more that twice what I should, which was really horrible, I was always tired and sluggish and sort of grouchy, which isn't really "me". I'm so glad I stumbled across fitday, it's helped me a great deal. I think the best thing about it is that it took my weight problem, and turned it into a math problem, which was somehow easier to wrap my mind around. And it's also given me a support group which would have been impossible to come by otherwise. My friends and fam are great and supportive, but they're not living it day in and day out like you guys are, so they can't relate and end up saying things that are sort of "off-base", if you know what I mean.
Hang in there cristineval, you're doing all the right things, and if you stick with it you'll get where you want to be. It's okay that it's coming off slowly, usually the slower it comes off the more permanent it will be over the long haul. If you want to accelerate your weight loss you might look at your calorie pie and figure out what the best ratios are for you. I think you have to try each different set of ratios for a week or more to get a really good idea of what works best.
On the fruit thing, I only eat 3 servings/day, no more no less. Usually I mix it up, one banana, one apple or orange and one serving of small berry type fruit like grapes, strawberries or cherries. Lately it's been strawberries by the bucket load because they are in season and our garden grew a bumper crop this year. On veggies I eat them til they are coming out of my ears, 8-10 serving/day no lie, and at least 1/3 of them green leafys. I usually only have 1-2 servings of grain based carbs everyday, almost always whole grain and low-cal. And I pack on the proteins (130-180 grams/day) mostly tuna, ff cottage cheese, rf colby-jack cheese, eggs, protein shakes, almonds, chicken, fish and lean cuts of beef.
At 244 I weighed more that twice what I should, which was really horrible, I was always tired and sluggish and sort of grouchy, which isn't really "me". I'm so glad I stumbled across fitday, it's helped me a great deal. I think the best thing about it is that it took my weight problem, and turned it into a math problem, which was somehow easier to wrap my mind around. And it's also given me a support group which would have been impossible to come by otherwise. My friends and fam are great and supportive, but they're not living it day in and day out like you guys are, so they can't relate and end up saying things that are sort of "off-base", if you know what I mean.
Hang in there cristineval, you're doing all the right things, and if you stick with it you'll get where you want to be. It's okay that it's coming off slowly, usually the slower it comes off the more permanent it will be over the long haul. If you want to accelerate your weight loss you might look at your calorie pie and figure out what the best ratios are for you. I think you have to try each different set of ratios for a week or more to get a really good idea of what works best.
On the fruit thing, I only eat 3 servings/day, no more no less. Usually I mix it up, one banana, one apple or orange and one serving of small berry type fruit like grapes, strawberries or cherries. Lately it's been strawberries by the bucket load because they are in season and our garden grew a bumper crop this year. On veggies I eat them til they are coming out of my ears, 8-10 serving/day no lie, and at least 1/3 of them green leafys. I usually only have 1-2 servings of grain based carbs everyday, almost always whole grain and low-cal. And I pack on the proteins (130-180 grams/day) mostly tuna, ff cottage cheese, rf colby-jack cheese, eggs, protein shakes, almonds, chicken, fish and lean cuts of beef.
06-21-2010, 02:27 AM
#94
FitDay Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,742
I've been thinking about getting a large mirror, just so I can stay in tuned with my body a little better. I used to have one in college and it did keep me from reaching for that extra serving. But I never put it up in the house after we got married, and then one day it broke and I never missed it enough to buy a replacement. But now, I think it's getting to be time for one again. Maybe that will be one of my NFV presents to myself.
06-21-2010, 03:14 AM
#95
FitDay Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 67
Morning girls!
It feels good to be back. I was going to post over the weekend but time just got away from me. Lots of news to share...
#1: On Friday, I used my summer hours "me time" (I get off at 1 p.m. on Fridays and DS is at daycare until 5) to visit a new farmer's market and got tons of fruit and veggies, which really set the tone for a good weekend.
#2: Saturday morning I had my cholesterol tested for the first time. I didn't know what to expect, because I'm only 28 and had been very healthy and exercised alot (marathons, 5K's, bodybuilding, etc.) up until 2 years ago when I got pregnant. But the last two years have been very unhealthy (craved McDonald's while pregnant, job loss = stress eating, and all sorts of other crap), so I didn't really know where I would fall. Well, my overall cholesterol was a tad high. 220, and you're supposed to be under 200. But my HDL (good cholesterol) was good, triglycerides and blood sugar, all very good. So it was just the LDL (bad cholesterol) that was a little high. Still, it is a wake-up call because I don't want to already have cholesterol issues at 28. I'm too young for that, damn it! So while I was a bit upset/depressed about that on Saturday, I realized it is fixable and I basically need to get working at what I'm doing using my health as motivation, not necessarily a size or how I look.
#3: Getting that piece of news helped me stay in check all weekend long, even when going out to eat on Father's Day (best giant leafy salad ever with olive oil and balsamic....still drooling!). I did have one slice of whole grain bread from Panera with star thistle honey last night, but that was all. No chocolate, no ice cream, no cookies. Yes!
#4: I got up and worked out this morning!! WOOHOOO! While I am active in general (playing outside, running after a toddler, gardening, canoeing, etc.), I hadn't really done anything structured since right after my son was born - and I gave that up 2 weeks later). So I got up 40 minutes early and jogged/walked our private lane for 30 minutes. Which is a huge accomplishment considering that you've all heard me b*tch and moan about not having time. I feel very good and have a new outlook after a very busy weekend!
Unsweetened iced tea glass raised to a great week for all of us!
It feels good to be back. I was going to post over the weekend but time just got away from me. Lots of news to share...
#1: On Friday, I used my summer hours "me time" (I get off at 1 p.m. on Fridays and DS is at daycare until 5) to visit a new farmer's market and got tons of fruit and veggies, which really set the tone for a good weekend.
#2: Saturday morning I had my cholesterol tested for the first time. I didn't know what to expect, because I'm only 28 and had been very healthy and exercised alot (marathons, 5K's, bodybuilding, etc.) up until 2 years ago when I got pregnant. But the last two years have been very unhealthy (craved McDonald's while pregnant, job loss = stress eating, and all sorts of other crap), so I didn't really know where I would fall. Well, my overall cholesterol was a tad high. 220, and you're supposed to be under 200. But my HDL (good cholesterol) was good, triglycerides and blood sugar, all very good. So it was just the LDL (bad cholesterol) that was a little high. Still, it is a wake-up call because I don't want to already have cholesterol issues at 28. I'm too young for that, damn it! So while I was a bit upset/depressed about that on Saturday, I realized it is fixable and I basically need to get working at what I'm doing using my health as motivation, not necessarily a size or how I look.
#3: Getting that piece of news helped me stay in check all weekend long, even when going out to eat on Father's Day (best giant leafy salad ever with olive oil and balsamic....still drooling!). I did have one slice of whole grain bread from Panera with star thistle honey last night, but that was all. No chocolate, no ice cream, no cookies. Yes!
#4: I got up and worked out this morning!! WOOHOOO! While I am active in general (playing outside, running after a toddler, gardening, canoeing, etc.), I hadn't really done anything structured since right after my son was born - and I gave that up 2 weeks later). So I got up 40 minutes early and jogged/walked our private lane for 30 minutes. Which is a huge accomplishment considering that you've all heard me b*tch and moan about not having time. I feel very good and have a new outlook after a very busy weekend!
Unsweetened iced tea glass raised to a great week for all of us!
06-21-2010, 05:14 AM
#96
FitDay Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Washington State
Posts: 96
Almeeker great going at the pub and you don't know about how many times I thought about editing those two posts. It was a novella. It wouldn't post the whole thing together, so I had to break it up, lol. I do tend to be lengthy, but writing is my passion. I hope one day to write a book, but that is another story.
Dobbs, that is great on the labs. I was going to get mine this morning, but I my alarm clock died and I have to get there first before the ooooold folks. That waiting area is overflowing by 730.
Dobbs, that is great on the labs. I was going to get mine this morning, but I my alarm clock died and I have to get there first before the ooooold folks. That waiting area is overflowing by 730.
06-21-2010, 05:14 AM
#97
FitDay Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Washington State
Posts: 96
Almeeker great going at the pub and you don't know about how many times I thought about editing those two posts. It was a novella. It wouldn't post the whole thing together, so I had to break it up, lol. I do tend to be lengthy, but writing is my passion. I hope one day to write a book, but that is another story.
Dobbs, that is great on the labs. I was going to get mine this morning, but I my alarm clock died and I have to get there first before the ooooold folks. That waiting area is overflowing by 730.
I did lose weight this week--1.6lbs, but I was drinking water like mad last night when I saw how swollen my hands were and I was retaining water. I was flushing it all night, but it worked. I still think that my calories are a little too high at 1800, so I am dropping my daily intake to see how that works.
Dobbs, that is great on the labs. I was going to get mine this morning, but I my alarm clock died and I have to get there first before the ooooold folks. That waiting area is overflowing by 730.
I did lose weight this week--1.6lbs, but I was drinking water like mad last night when I saw how swollen my hands were and I was retaining water. I was flushing it all night, but it worked. I still think that my calories are a little too high at 1800, so I am dropping my daily intake to see how that works.
Last edited by Jaybrodz; 06-21-2010 at 05:21 AM.
06-21-2010, 05:54 AM
#98
FitDay Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,742
Almeeker great going at the pub and you don't know about how many times I thought about editing those two posts. It was a novella. It wouldn't post the whole thing together, so I had to break it up, lol. I do tend to be lengthy, but writing is my passion. I hope one day to write a book, but that is another story.
egmdobbs, Great job on getting in your workout. Feels really good doesn't it? You keep it up and pretty soon you won't be able to face the day without it. I wouldn't worry too much about that one number being a little high, you've already made the first steps towards fixing that problem anyway. It's probably a good thing you didn't have it checked before you started this eh? It might have been quite a bit higher and scared you silly. I've never had my cholesterol tested, my doc seems to think I don't need it. Which is weird since both of my parents have high cholesterol and so does my hubby. I keep asking, but since I'm not menopausal she sort of waves me off. I think next time I'll insist.
Well I gotta go, seems there are 6 kids in my living room completely undoing all the work I put into it earlier.... Yikes!
06-21-2010, 09:22 AM
#99
FitDay Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Washington State
Posts: 96
Oh Almeeker, I know you weren't pickin on me. Plus I am not thin skinned. I came back on here because I just was notified to go to a woman's breast center for further screening after a mammogram. Seems there is an area in my right breast that is fishy. A long time ago, I had to have a laparoscopy; I think it was on that one. Haven't told my family anything and don't think I will. I thought to myself, well if I have it, I will get them both taken off and when I lose the weight, I will have them reconstructed. I wanted a breast lift anyway. They are ginormous now. Well, I guess the wait is on.
Oh and I forgot to inform you guys, Zoey's test came back positive for ecoli and some other infection. She is on antibiotics. I know where she gets it. It's not that she is so fat and her area down there doesn't get enough airing out so to speak. She seeks and destroys for cat poop. I have one indoor-outdoor cat and she finds hers and eats it. We all have a little of it in our system, but if it is home grown, it is ok. She gets these infections a couple times a year and so far this one has cost me about two hundred bucks and she has to have another culture done to make sure it is gone. I didn't teach Cece to go outside. I had a roommate that did and he was supposed to take her when he left. He didn't, so I have her and I love her to death.
So, that is my day so far. I thought it might have been family calling since my house phone rang first and then my cell, so I put my legs on and went to see who it was and didn't recognize the number, but it was local and then I listened to the voicemail and said to my self, uh-oh.
Oh and I forgot to inform you guys, Zoey's test came back positive for ecoli and some other infection. She is on antibiotics. I know where she gets it. It's not that she is so fat and her area down there doesn't get enough airing out so to speak. She seeks and destroys for cat poop. I have one indoor-outdoor cat and she finds hers and eats it. We all have a little of it in our system, but if it is home grown, it is ok. She gets these infections a couple times a year and so far this one has cost me about two hundred bucks and she has to have another culture done to make sure it is gone. I didn't teach Cece to go outside. I had a roommate that did and he was supposed to take her when he left. He didn't, so I have her and I love her to death.
So, that is my day so far. I thought it might have been family calling since my house phone rang first and then my cell, so I put my legs on and went to see who it was and didn't recognize the number, but it was local and then I listened to the voicemail and said to my self, uh-oh.
06-21-2010, 10:49 AM
#100
FitDay Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Elyria, OH
Posts: 86
hi everyone- feeling somewhat better today , have my moments, but trying to get back on track. I need to get back into the swing of my life and the activities I was doing before, but so far have not had the motivation to do anything- everything just seems so hard. did stay busy this weekend, but today I am alone and and feeling very overwhelmed.
I know in my head that everything you guys have said is true, and so have my co-workers and friend, but in all honesty my heart is not at that place yet and don't know how to get there yet. maybe a new date is the ticket lol
almeeker- a mirror is a great idea, I have one in the bathroom and it has helped me see the changes in my body and the areas I need to work on. I try to only measure once a month but sometimes that is hard to visualize and I can see the changes in the mirror.
jay- hope everything goes well, you deserve some good things and we will be here for you no matter the outcome.
egmdobbs- good going on getting that workout in- that is my next step to start my workouts again. I know I feel better after and it sets the tone for the day. we are still walking at work, so have not completely stopped all my good work, but need to continue that at home.
looking forward to hearing about everyone's weekend
I know in my head that everything you guys have said is true, and so have my co-workers and friend, but in all honesty my heart is not at that place yet and don't know how to get there yet. maybe a new date is the ticket lol
almeeker- a mirror is a great idea, I have one in the bathroom and it has helped me see the changes in my body and the areas I need to work on. I try to only measure once a month but sometimes that is hard to visualize and I can see the changes in the mirror.
jay- hope everything goes well, you deserve some good things and we will be here for you no matter the outcome.
egmdobbs- good going on getting that workout in- that is my next step to start my workouts again. I know I feel better after and it sets the tone for the day. we are still walking at work, so have not completely stopped all my good work, but need to continue that at home.
looking forward to hearing about everyone's weekend
