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amylee32 05-31-2010 04:33 AM

:(
 
Oh I don't know where to start. I am so disappointed in myself. I have been really, really struggling the last week and a half. All I want to do is EAT. And not eat healthy, good-for-me food. I am wanting chocolate, pizza, chinese food, chips, anything and everything salty, sweet and fattening. Doesn't help that I am PMS'ing. Last month I had the horrible cravings, but I held pretty strong and did ok. This time around, well...not so strong. In the last 3 days I have had pizza, chips, chinese, S'MORES (lots of them), chocolate, hot dogs, everything! This morning I weighed myself and honestly there is only a very minor weight change (0.4 lbs) which is a normal flucuation for me. That is a small consolation. I am truly terrified to weigh myself in the morning because today has been the worst day so far. What is WRONG with me??? Seriously?? I am down 53 pounds! Isn't that motivation enough for me? Do I seriously need to sit here and battle with myself over eating crap?? UGH!! I am just ANGRY at myself!!

To make the whole day even better, I had the most horrible experience today. I was at an auction and a group of 3 people sat behind me and my daughter. They started talking VERY loudly..said "look at the heffer sitting in front of us" and "oink oink". I was trying to tell myself that they were talking about somebody else, but then they started kicking my chair and saying "Look, I'm kicking a heffer! I'm trying to tip a cow!" and continued to "oink" at me. Not sure where they got the idea that heffers oink, but hey... I was/am so embarassed. I just wanted to cry. Still do. I got up an moved seats, but didn't say anything to the people. Wasn't worth it.

Sorry to ramble...I'm not sure why I feel the need to spill this all on here, but it helps me feel like I'm sorting stuff out. Thanks for reading/listening.

almeeker 05-31-2010 12:47 PM

Good grief some people clearly weren't disciplined enough as children. We're these imbeciles adults? You don't deserve that kind of treatment from anyone, no one does. I'm more of a loose cannon, I probably would have gotten up and said something rude like "Well I may be heavy but at least I'm not so stupid as to think a cow says oink". Well honey, truthfully I would rather be Jabba the Hut fat than stupid and rude. When people are insulting it just goes to show that they don't think too highly of themselves and feel the need to bring others down to their level. Don't let them get to you, they aren't worth it. And 53 pounds is soooo awesome, keep it going.

Cravings during PMS is normal, I suffer with it every month just like clockwork. What you might do is limit the fattening foods in your house so that when you do have these uncontrollable cravings all you have on hand is the healthy stuff. An apple binge is pretty harmless.

bsaz 05-31-2010 01:57 PM

I am appalled at what happened to you! These were adults? WTF?

Don't take them to heart, they are obviously disturbed people. 53 lbs is amazing.

Also, stop beating yourself up NOW! Just start over. The past is the past. Take a look at your diet plan? Does it make you feel deprived? I've learned that for me, if I find ways to indulge on a regular basis, I don't go crazy nearly as often as if I feel deprived. I LOVE food of all kinds, so saying no isn't easy.

RunbikeSki 05-31-2010 02:25 PM

The good, the bad, and the ugly
 
Hi Amylee,
The ugly is what those cretins behind you are. You are to be commended for not turning around and slugging them. (I know violence doesn't solve anything - but sometimes there is something carthartic about thinking about it.)

The bad is those cravings that seem to just take control sometimes.

The good is that you have a pretty good idea when the worst of the cravings are going to hit you, so can do a little planning. In some cultures the monthly cycle is celebrated. It is time for women to get together, pray and connect. Why not plan for a little indulgence, by stocking up on things that seem "bad" but are the diet destroyers you might think.

100 calorie packs are great (a little expensive considering the contents) but at least you aren't faced with an open 1lb bag of chips.

Sugar and/or fat free pudding - the chocolate flavors are sinfully good, but calorie lite.

Popcorn - the 100 calorie packs or the lower fat variety for those salty/crunchy cravings.

Grapes. I am not much of a fruit eater when the serious cravings hit, but if there is a bowl of washed grapes around I'll occupy my mouth with grapes while the worst of the sugar craving subsides.

Sugar free hard candy and gum. I really like hard candies when the sugar monster hits - keeps the sweet taste coming, but even the regular kind has only a few calories per piece.

Finally do anything you have to do to avoid driving by a fast food joint. Sometimes just the sight of the old Carls Jr. is enough to make me what to pull in for a burger, fries, chicken sandwich, whatever.

53 pounds is great! You have worked hard to lose those pounds, you deserve to feel empowered and proud. So keep your successes in the front of your mind and push the little back-slides out of your mind.

Keep it up, girl, you are well on the way!

MollySue2 05-31-2010 02:30 PM

Amylee,

reading about such morons makes me very angry. It's quite worrysome that they can't tell a cow from a pig, but even more so that they would be rude enough to offend you in such a disgusting way. Please, don't take it to heart, they are so not worth it!!!

And congratulations on your fabulous weight loss - be proud of yourself!!

I too find it verrry hard to control myself when I'm graving a certain type of food, so I tend to give in - otherwise I would be tempted to give up on my diet completely because I would feel deprived. However, I try to go for dried fruits such as apricots and cranberries or a cup of hot choclate instead of a whole package of chocolate bars and really encourage myself to make up for it with a good workout the next day. This might not be the best of solutions, but the only one that seems to work for me right now. :o

pattialbert 05-31-2010 02:56 PM

Amylee...first of all a big hug to you! Dont let these *people* (and I use this term loosely) derail you. Youve come a long way and even though you are feeling a little out of control right now...you recognize it and are trying to get a handle on it. Good for you!!! Take it one hour at a time if you have to...when you get the urge to grab something take a minute and ask yourself if you are really hungry ?? Get rid of the junk food in the house as Almeeker has said its hard to overindulge in apples...good advice!

JenniferP1 05-31-2010 03:15 PM

You are right - those people weren't worth your time!! 53 pounds is great!! I understand the cravings and set backs -- 53 pounds though wow what a great start - keep taking it one day at a time. Don't the the idiots of th world get you down!!

Gook Luck!!

farahb7 05-31-2010 03:21 PM

Hi Amylee,
i am so angry by what you have had to experience. I am a figther and i would have gotten into a big fight with those stupid wastes, but you are right they are nobody and don't deserve your time.
i do admire you for your will power to drop 53 LB!!!!!!!! that is totally amazing!
the last thing, i also experience the same cravings when i have my period, just get over it and start fresh on your good eating plans again.

NessaSonic 05-31-2010 03:43 PM

it sounds like they would have been idiots about anything and that their antics had very very little to do about your weight. Honestly, they would probably act the same to you if you were just 5lbs overweight, or not overweight in the slightest. anything to make someone feel worse than they feel about themselves. I'm glad you walked away instead of giving them what they wanted, it gives YOU the power.

53lbs is awesome!!! I can't wait to get to that point! It's a reality that we will have bad days/weeks, but the important part is to pick yourself right back up. Make a game plan. Have one horrible but delicious meal, but make plans to get to the gym or go play tennis with a friend the very next morning so you can remind yourself what your body truly needs.

dizzy_44 05-31-2010 04:57 PM

amylee...I find it very difficult to read your post...As I sit here, I feel my blood pressure rise. You should be very proud of your self restraint (I don't know if I would have been that mature). You are doing great....I envy that 53 pound loss. Some "people" can only feel good about themselves by making others feel bad. Don't allow a couple of ignorant people control how you feel....don't give them that power. Repeat after me:
"I am strong...I am beautiful...I am healthy...and I like ME".

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" Elanor Roosvelt


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