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-   -   Meltdown (http://www.fitday.com/fitness/forums/support-group-just-women/1140-meltdown.html)

jennygoodman 05-24-2010 04:36 PM

Meltdown
 
So hubby and I went to the Mall of America this weekend. He kept pointing out things that he liked, so I tried them on hoping I'd find something cute to buy.

Wrong!

I tried on like 6 different things, all of which were too small (even in an XL) and I literally broke down and started crying in the dressing room. Several times.

I went into Cache and tried on this really cute black top that can be worn as a dress...and I had this huge gut sticking out, and nothing but cellulite all over my legs. It was awful. I felt so ashamed of myself. I told hubby we were leaving that store, and that I wasn't trying on another clothing item the entire time we were there - and I didn't. I felt like such a cow, and so embarassed that I was trying things on in front of him and I had to tell him I was too fat to wear it.

I feel like all these efforts I make are for nothing. I try really hard to work out, eat healthy, and lose weight...and I still can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. I wish I knew how to like myself no matter what. :(

phattyphatty2x4 05-24-2010 05:15 PM

I know exactly how you feel.

I am 5'9" and you and I are probably about the same weight (I don't have a scale any longer). It does not help that most of the clothes out there are cut on the bias, made out of clingy fabrics and very "young" in style.

I used to own/operate a high end consignment shop that specialized in women's clothing. I helped a lot of women "transition" through several body stages in there life. I mean, our bodies are ALWAYS changing no matter what we do. We have youth, puberty, childbearing, middle age and senior years.... just as soon as a woman gets used to her body she gets to experience another change! It just ain't fair.

I have handled a lot of clothing in my life. Clothing is an important element in how a woman feels about her looks.

Here's the deal.... go to the mall either by yourself or with another friend who you can trust. Try on EVERYTHING and try on all kinds of sizes and don't let price dictate what you try on. Get to know what works and what does not work with your body. Get to understand how different manufacturers make their clothing. Get to know how to identify a quality made item vs a cheap trendy item.

Once you know what works on your body, you will have a better idea of what you will have better success with.

Most likely your boyfriend does not feel the same way you do about how you look in a piece of clothing. He loves you and he loves your body (men feel fortunate to have a woman they can trust). Women ALWAYS have body image issues.... keep that in mind. You do want to... you NEED to feel good in your clothing.

Give my method a try and good luck.

2x4

jennygoodman 05-24-2010 05:21 PM

2x4:

You are definitely right about him not seeing me the same way I do...the black shirt/dress I tried on, he absolutely loved. He even tried to get me to go back and buy it like an hour later. He said it looked really good on me...and I'm like "I'm not spending $80 on a shirt that I don't feel comfortable in, or that I think looks awful on me."

It would be so much easier if I saw myself the way he sees me! Then I wouldn't be so hard on myself all the time!

Grr being a woman is sucky sometimes! I wish I could be like a guy and just do a few days worth of crunches, and suddenly have a flat stomach again lol.

Lizzycritter 05-24-2010 06:38 PM

I'd like to suggest you go to amazon.com and look for the "What Not To Wear" book, hopefully it's still in print, it's from the original British show. It shows you how to dress for your figure, because really, most of us don't know how to do this. I'm still figuring it out myself, but once you figure out some "rules" to go by, it makes it easier to sift through the racks and decide what's worth trying on in the first place. I just got back from a well-earned shopping trip, and even though I'm pretty happy (though not totally satisfied or done working on it) with how I'm looking today, 3/4 of what I tried on just did NOT work. If you're going in without a plan in mind, expect 90% of it to look like crap. It's just the way it is.

almeeker 05-24-2010 09:31 PM

I went shopping yesterday and let me just say this, fashion seasons are like wine, some harvests are better than others and this one is rotgut. Except for shorts, which are quite good this year. I can't find a swimming suit to save my life though.

Although having said that, if my husband liked a particular dress and actually went to the trouble to tell me so, I would probably run right out and buy it in 10 different colors. Cause seriously he's a man of very few words and not one for empty flattery.

Honey, hang in there, it takes a while. Believe me.

jennygoodman 05-24-2010 10:13 PM

almeeker - I really liked the top, and clearly he did too...I just can't look at myself from somebody else's eyes and see what they see. I look at myself and all I can see is the start of a fat roll, the spots on my thighs where I have cellulite, the chunks of fat that squishes out from under my bra.

I can't wait to lose more weight and look good again (to myself!). I just have to stay positive and keep on track with my workouts and food. I didn't put the weight on overnight, so I can't expect to look fit and beautiful overnight either.

Thank you guys for the support! I really do appreciate it.

Lizzycritter 05-24-2010 11:52 PM

I hear ya on that. Last time I was in a dressing room was around Christmas, I also weighed about 174 at that time. I wanted to buy a party dress. I left with long black pants, a chunky turtleneck sweater, and a badly bruised ego. Every dress I tried on made me look like Grandma's round end table with the skirt on it! But then I decided the only way to not look fat anymore was to not BE fat anymore, and I dusted off my FitDay account. It took almost 6 months to set foot in a dressing room again.

jennygoodman 05-25-2010 12:50 PM

Well it definitely was a huge slap in the face, and now I am more determined than ever to be fit again!

Clearly moping over the whole ordeal is not going to change anything. The only way to improve is by making an honest effort and sticking with the program! Hopefully I don't fall off the wagon like I usually do (you know, the days where you find yourself in front of the tv with a bag of M&Ms).

*crossing my fingers* :)


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