HELP! My fiance is a sabotager!
 

I am so frustrated that my fiancé refuses to eat healthier. For some background, he is a huge fast food fanatic - McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, Checkers, etc. McDonalds being his favorite. Unfortunately, this is how he grew up. His father is a meat and potatoes guy - no casserole, pizzas, sandwiches, etc. (things that you can find ways to sneak healthier foods into) He likes this steak or pork with a side a mashes or baked potatoes and collard greens, and most meals are reminiscent of that. My fiancé thinks he is adventurous because he likes Chinese and Italian foods. Before I met him, I had lost 40 pounds over the course of a year and a half, and now I've gained back 15-20 pounds. I told him, I want to feel good again and start eating healthy and he's afraid he's going to get skinnier even though I promised more protein (He's currently 150, and brags about it all the time). When we first moved in together, I was making him breakfast, lunch, and dinner - which I still mostly do - only because if I don't make a meal he will go straight to a fast food joint...instead of eating at his parents down the street or popping some leftovers in the microwave. I refuse to cook 2 separate meals, because I'm already exhausted cooking 3 meals a day. Plus, if I'm getting healthy to live a long life, and we're getting married, I'd like to have him there, too! The other day I stuck a small slice of cantaloupe in his lunch and he brought it back 2 days in a row and the third day he threw it in the trash. I'm tired of fighting with him, but both of us need to do better and leave the freezer and chain foods alone. What have you ladies done to get you husbands, boyfriends, fiancés to eat healthier???? I know how to sneak foods in, but I enjoy eating whole vegetables too.

BTW - he claims he likes vegetables...he despises fruits (except bananas and grapes)...and he isn't big on eating desserts (which I love and I have healthy recipes, but nothing is healthy is you're stuck eating it alone)...and he is a big meat eater

Sounds like a food fight. I'm familiar with food fights.

Does he see a doctor regularly? Does he have high blood pressure? High cholesterol? Fatty liver? High blood sugar? No? Then he doesn't have a reason YET to eat like you do, so don't make him.

It sounds like you have been gaining weight living in this household. Is it really so awful to cook your own meal to fit your own diet? If you do that, would it be a problem for HIM? How could it possibly be a problem for you? You will only improve your health and lose the weight you want. His health will stay the same, which is probably fine with him! If his health starts to show signs of any problems, then he can make the decision himself to eat your food.

But what about mealtimes? You both sit down at the table and eat your own foods. You spend time eating together, just not eating the same things. He can eat fast food or he can eat your food. It's up to him.

To be honest, he's an adult. Let him cook his own greasy food and you can save your time to cook your meals. If he doesn't want to change his habits, he won't. Even if you force-feed him healthy meals, he'll go out and buy fast food whenever you're not watching.

He's a grown man and already has a mother, so stop trying to mother him...sorry if that sounds mean..not my intention. It's just that you can't change what he is doing, but you can change what you are doing. Why not cook a lean meat and roast potatoes/veggies for dinner. He eats the meat and potatoes and you eat the meat and a nice salad. Lean protein and helathy greens, you can't go wrong. That is what I do for my husband who doesn't like to eat the foods I do either. You have two choices as I see it, cook two meals to please you both or continue to fight over food. FYI, if you have children they too may not want to eat the foods you eat. Story of my life! LOL! :rolleyes:

If he isn't interested in helping you stay healthy, why are you with him? Sad to say, I battled with my late husband from before we were married. I had a great figure when I met him and ballooned fifty extra pounds within a year after we started dating. I fought that battle until he died of cancer three years ago. We were married thirty-six years. Think about it, you eat three meals every day, that's twenty-one meals a week, and a thousand and ninety-two meals a year, for thirty-six years. Oh, and when I was overweight, our love life was non-existent. So, either he gets on board, or I recommend you get off. Life's too short to spend it with someone who doesn't care about what matters to you.

I totally understand your frustration and I'm with Beverly on her comment. But primarily - if you can't accept him for they way he is, cause trust me he's not going to change, then move on. Sounds harsh but you'll be frustrated constantly on everything that you cannot accept about him. Life is too short to live in frustration. I married a man that says, "I served my time at the gym" (while in the service) and now he refuses to go - I'd always hoped he would be my gym buddy - those hopes (and disappointments) are out the window - gotta accept it and love him as he is.

I feel that feel
 

My husband says I look great the way I am. I need to get into shape and loose about 20lbs the way I see it, though. He brings home pop, chips, chocolate, desserts, pizza. I feel that he is trying to kill me with kindness. He seems to think I'm not eating because I'm not going back for seconds anymore and watching my portions. I'm trying to eat greener and cutting out most of the junk, but he says I deserve a "treat" now and then. Everyday apparently. I wish he would join me and stop eating junk, too. He's gained about 75-80lbs since we got married 18yrs ago. I don't know what to do about it.:(

Natalie
5'2"
135lbs

Sometimes, when a wife sticks to her plan to maintain a healthful diet, the results can be inspiring to her husband. Nothing like a good example to make you see what is possible.

My husband and I eat completely different meals. Sometimes it makes me sad because I grew up in a house where we had a sit-down dinner and a big meal we all shared. Now he picks up fast food or heats up a frozen pizza while I make salads or stir fry. We still eat together, though.

You might have to get used to it. Someday he'll have a potbelly and/or health problems and he'll be forced to change.

I know that feeling, my lover is doing the same thing , but i am try to ignore and cook my own health food.

Remember that he has grown up with these eating habits, and they are habits, even if they are bad habits. They are not so easily changed. With that said, it does not mean you need to fall into someone else's habits, build your own habits and fell good about that...My friend has the same thing going on in her house and she has been married now for about 30 years...she prepares the meals the way she wants to for herself and he cooks for himself. She prepares salads and light food and he throws on the stake and potatoes for himself. It seems to work. I am sure you can make it work too.

It doesn't look like the original poster is still here, but I will reply anyway for those who are. I am married to a sabateur. He does not have a weight problem and doesn't like healthy foods. He wants me to lose weight, but does little things to make bad foods available to me. Like buy junk food, then only eat a little bit and the rest is here to tempt me. Like make too much for himself, and leave it there for me to finish. The only thing I can do is leave it there and eat my healthy food. It's up to me to eat the food or not. If I leave it to be thrown out, eventually he will stop doing it. If I eat it, then he won. When I cook dinner, I make potatoes for him and I eat meat and veggies. We eat out often so we can each order what we want. We do not do fast food, just some local sit down restaurants. You can't make a person eat healthy if they don't want to, but you can set an example and hope that they will come around.

If you stick to your goals and your style of eating, and you lose the weight you want, that is a huge reward in itself. It's also a kind of triumph over his bad habits and sabotage tactics. Just keep that aspect out of conversations about food. It's not a competition unless you make it one.

We'll said Kathy!