Our perception of appropriate portion sizes has gotten way out of control, and as you have noted, that seems to be part of the problem. Do you think he would be receptive to some of the portion-size tricks that are out there (e.g., a serving of meat is the same size as a deck of cards, cheese about the size of two dice, etc.). Maybe getting the right portion size would be more gentle a change than saying he has to cut out foods entirely, at least at first.

Here's one example of the guidelines: NCPAD:Health Promotion:*Estimating Serving Sizes

I agree with Terri in that knowledge is power. As any of us here knows, it only takes a little bit to get "hooked" into wanting to know more about what exactly we are putting in our mouths...maybe something will spark for him soon.

I think if he doesn't eat a big portion, he feels deprived. When an actual nutritionist told him that a serving of meat is the size of a deck of cards, he got this disgusted expression on his face and looked at her like she'd come from Mars. She noticed this and said "Well, for you, two decks of cards". She was trying to get him to improve but be more realistic. This still wasn't good enough for him. He wasn't able to follow this advice. He immediately rejected it as soon as she said it. I think it's really hard for him. I don't know if I mentioned this yet but he showed me this frozen pizza he'd found one time and said it was about 300 calories per serving and a "good deal" on calories. He said "I can eat two servings of this plus some salad" and I told him "You should only eat one serving of it if you're going to eat it". And he looked crestfallen. I'd taken the wind out of his sails. I don't know how much he actually at ate one time later. He shouldn't have been eating that at all when he was still so heavy though.

He claims to be using this site to log everything in (I hope he finds this thread, so he can see how upset/frustrated I am by him, but he probably won't), but he can't be logging things properly because he refuses to weigh or measure. He pours about 3 servings of cereal into a bowl and 2 servings of milk and logs it as 2 servings of cereal and one of milk, because he's unwilling to get a measuring cup or weigh the cereal by grams. Eyeballing portions is what got him into this mess to begin with. It's the same for me. I need to weigh and measure, because I can't really judge portions by sight. If I judge portions by sight, I'll eat 3 times the amount I should. The same goes for him, but maybe worse because he's so accustomed over so many years to gorging at every meal he thinks that's normal.

I hope so. I'm trying to give him some knowledge, not all the time, but when I feel that I can do it in a constructive way.

I don't know if you've tried this, but serving food on smaller plates can help control portions. If you eat a smaller amount of food but it fills up a smaller plate, you feel fuller than if you ate the same amount from a larger plate that wasn't filled up. A fist-size lump of meat looks bigger on an 8" plate than on a 10" plate.

Good point tandoori.

Ruby,

We both know that unless the person you love can get honest with themselves, weight loss isn't going to happen and it won't be permanent. I can go round and round with some people in my life that I love who I want to get healthy in one way or another (Alcohol, Drugs, food, whatever...) and unless they are willing to be honest, it might work for the time when you are "supervising" but the minute you walk away, the portion control or food choice, alcohol, drugs, whatever, come out... and it's all up to them. I hate that for you, I hate that for me, but it is what is true.

There is a quote referring to the Gospel, "Preach the Gospel always, and when necessary, use words." You can also use it for your own "good news". There is no better way to be an inspiration to those that you love (and even better for those that are hard to love) than to follow that rule. I see your frustrations, and I can mirror those in situations in my life too. All you can do is be the best example for someone else to follow. But just BE it. They will see it more clearly when they come to the understanding on their own.