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Old 02-07-2011, 01:52 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Diet Funnies!

Funny, bad, whatever one makes you laugh out loud, lets hear them!

Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see whats in the refrigerator and go to bed.

Married women come home, see whats in the bedand go to the refrigerator.

"If we really are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy"

"Touching a skinny person gives them all the calories"

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Old 02-07-2011, 02:21 AM   #2 (permalink)
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 pounds.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes.
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Old 02-07-2011, 02:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Smiling and laughing burns extra calories so here is my contribution......

A diet is a weigh of life.

It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds.

It's something most of us do religiously: We eat what we want and pray we don't gain weight.

Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.

The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat.

A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width.

The best way to lose weight is by skipping ... snacks and desert.

Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two...alone


Keep on smiling and focusing and working your plan! Rock on everyone!
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Old 02-07-2011, 05:13 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Q: What do you call a person who has abandoned his/her strict diet?

A: A desserter!

Also: Don't go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself
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Female, 31 years old, 5'4 1/2" tall
Starting weight 1/4/11 = 215.2 lbs.
Weight 8/27/14 = 180.4 (net: -34.8)
Current mini-goal: 180 lbs.
Next large goal: 165 lbs. by 12/25/2014
Lowest weight: 156.7 lbs.
150.2 lbs. <--- Official "Healthy BMI" weight
Estimated final goal: 130-140 lbs.
"You don't have to change your life today. You only need to change your day today."
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Old 02-08-2011, 01:50 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Why do married men die before married women? Because they want to.

I'm on the seafood diet. I see food, then eat it.
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If I keep starting over, eventually it will stick, right?

Starting weight:182
Current weight: 140
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Old 02-08-2011, 03:05 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default A Dietary Limerick

Every diet has various restrictions
And fanatic, embellished predictions
So perhaps they are wise
Who just buy a larger size
And classify diets as fictions. ---


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Old 02-08-2011, 03:41 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Q: What food has been proven to kill your sex drive?

A: Wedding cake.
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Old 02-08-2011, 07:07 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 01gt4.6 View Post
Q: What food has been proven to kill your sex drive?

A: Wedding cake.
I told a good friend of mine that about 3 months ago before he got married. He came back last week and said "Hey you were right"
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Old 02-28-2011, 10:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Good grief, look how smart I am!

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and
wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, “Good grief, look how smart I am!”

Must be where “Smart Ass” came from!



****So funny I couldn't pass it up!
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Old 02-28-2011, 11:02 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Hahaha Ty for sharing!!
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