I can feel your desperation. When I get like that I like to journal and write or type everything I'm thinking-every vile hateful thing, every fear, every frustration- eventually I talk myself into a better mood. (of course then I shred it) Or I go for a walk and think, clear my head, etc. For emotional eaters getting calm is important.
You know what? I think you'll be okay. I believe your current weight is the highest you will ever see. You got lost for awhile. You took a turn into a bad place. You're feeling scared and lonely and probably angry for letting yourself get to this place. Now you have to backtrack to where you lost your way and get back on the right road.
Don't be hard on yourself. You are the one person who will love you unconditionally so be kind and gentle and know you are not alone in this struggle.