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Old 10-01-2012, 04:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default New, don't even know if I should be here, but here goes...

Hi everyone,

My name is Emily, I'm 23, about 5'5", and around 140-145-ish lbs right now I think? Don't know, it kind of fluctuates and I'm not really supposed to be weighing myself... I'll get to that.

So I've actually struggled with some form of eating disorder for... god, I don't know, since I was in middle school maybe. I've always had issues with food and my body. I usually go between starving myself and severe restricting to bingeing (then I feel horrible and guilty and disgusting and the cycle starts all over). I have a nutritionist and a therapist, so yeah, I get I need help. I was doing pretty well with the eating for a while. Eating 3 meals a day, exercising (I'm also a compulsive exerciser)... things seemed to be going ok although I still wasn't ok with eating and my body. Then I got in an argument with my mom (my family, or lack there of, is a huge trigger for my weird eating disorder). Even though we're fine now, that broke me. All of a sudden I stopped eating for probably about a week. Ever since then I've been back in this starve/binge pattern and it's awful. Really, I so envy you all who can just eat normally. Who don't think about every little thing that goes into your body and don't hate yourself when you screw up.

Anyway, I'd really like to get back in a better sort of pattern even though I can hear my mind screaming at me "DON'T EAT!" I can't keep doing this. Not to mention, I'm also Type 1 Diabetic. Have been since I was 3 years old. So if you think having an eating disorder as a normal, relatively healthy person sucks, try having one when you're a Type 1 Diabetic. Sooo bad. My blood sugars go crazy. It's so not healthy for me.

I heard about this site through a not so healthy site that promotes EDs (I know I shouldn't be reading those things because it will only feed unhealthy thoughts in my head, which is why I came here instead of like some pro-ED site.) I'm hoping this will be a healthy tool for me so that I can track my eating patterns, exercise, moods, etc while still maybe being able to get to like 120 lbs. Maybe some people think that's too drastic, especially for a girl with eating issues. I mean people tell me I look fine, but I guess I don't see it. I've been at 120 before and I'd love to get back down around there, just maybe through healthier means.

Anyway, I'm sorry if this post is shocking or sad or crazy, but I'm just looking for support and understanding like you all are and I hope that people can understand that without making judgements about me just because I have some issues. Everyone has their own issues. I would hope this is a place where I can learn healthy tips and learn a healthier lifestyle.

Thanks for reading. Feel free to respond or message me. I'd love to hear from people.
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Old 10-01-2012, 05:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Emily, I'm glad you found us.

I applaud you wanting to use FitDay to get where you want to be by a healthy means. It's also commendable that you've recruited a therapist and a nutritionist on board as well. Those people are the professionals in your life, and we are all amateurs here, so by all means, use us for support and camaraderie and sources of different ideas, and more than a few laughs, but listen most to those who know you and your health firsthand if there's ever a contradiction.

You definitely have a lot on you plate (no pun intended). Although your combination of issues may not be the same ones we all deal with, I think you give us too much credit in saying that we "can just eat normally. Who don't think about every little thing that goes into your body and don't hate yourself when you screw up." Because I think a lot of us here can definitely relate to you on that level alone! And you are 100% right when you say we all have our own issues.

We'd love it if you stuck around and used the FD tools in a healthy way, and we'd love it even more if you joined the conversations on the discussion boards. Look through and see which threads appeal to you and jump on in. And most of all, take care of yourself .
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Old 10-02-2012, 04:17 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome, Emily! I hope we can be helpful to you. Your story can be helpful to us also. Sometimes those of us with weight issues get into thinking that the whole point is to make the scale numbers go down; you remind us that that the goal is health, and that just as we shouldn't sacrifice health to sloth we also shouldn't sacrifice it to the idol of thin-ness. I hope that as you read the different threads you will find some patterns that you, your therapist, and your nutritionist can recognize as healthy for you. (There are also some that you will probably recognize as unhealthy.) Welcome!
Jaime, age 56, about 5'5", presently 165 lbs, goal 145
(lowest adult weight 117, highest 195)
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Old 10-02-2012, 07:58 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Emily welcome. I also have issues with eating that seem weird to most. This is my first post, kinda thanks to you I guess. I dont wanna hijack your thread by explaining my whole story but in short, Im trying to gain weight. I felt uncomfortable posting here because I have no idea how it feels to be over weight therefore who am I to give advice. See with me, I hate to eat......I mean hate it ! I found this site and loved how I could track/plan my meals. My goal is to hit 165. I was 143 but since I pitched my tent here Im up to 150. Im not sure whats wrong with me but its a hard road to reach my goal. I can say this place is making it happen. Im with ya on the workin out part too. I spend a lot of time in the gym. Anyway, we all have issues that are different but we ALL need support. I hope you stick around and if there is anything I can do let me know.

Good luck
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Old 10-02-2012, 01:56 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Glad you are here Emily!
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Old 10-02-2012, 02:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thanks everyone for your responses! It's really nice to see that people are so understanding and not judgmental.

Wish all of you guys success with your goals!
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