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Old 07-21-2012, 06:56 AM   #11 (permalink)
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You are most welcome. I can tell you that there is not one thing that men find attractive. My anthropology classes suggested that a human universal is a waist to hip ratio of .70. Men vary as do women. I would suggest that a universal for women is that their mate be taller than them. Now I could go into a nerdy discussion on the biological imperatives of all this, but I do not want to bore you. I know that men and women both want different things. Women especially seek security and men, well, men want to have lots of sex. As we grow older, our imperatives change somewhat but never really go away.

Now as for putting numbers into fitday. My observation is that the free version of fitday is slow because so many ads have to load up with each screen refresh (yes I am a recovering computer geek). I think the best way to enter foods quickly would be to create custom foods that are the result of several ingredients, sort of like a recipe. For example, I make a pork with green chili salsa. Now I can add this by entering the pork, potatoes, onions and salsa individually, but instead I create a recipe and then enter data for a portion size ( I use grams) for the recipe.
I don't know if this helps.
On final note on what men find attractive. Women, all women are amazing and I've never met one who did not have at least one thing attractive about them, what that thing is will change from person to person. I think God planned it that way.
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Old 07-21-2012, 02:54 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I'm sorry but as a woman who's been heavier and thinner and as the mother of an overweight girl, I have seen that guys will go for thinner women more often than not, no matter what they say. Maybe it's a confidence thing but I've seen confident fat women passed over for insecure thin ones (for jobs and for men.) I'd love to tell my DD that the person you are inside is what counts but society will just beat the drums: thin, thin, thin. Even DH who claims to like women with "meat on their bones" fell for me when I was at one of my thinner points. And BTW the girls he points out are still on the thinner side by society's standards. Not that I'm bitter. It's just the reality, like it or not.
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Old 07-21-2012, 04:06 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Yep, canary, I agree, because I have seen the way men treated me when I was thin. I could tell I was getting fat simply because they were treating me differently. How predictable! Now, not all men are like that, I have seen a few golden ones, and most of the time they are with a lady that is a little less attractive (on the outside) but they are total sweethearts.
As for the sex thing, my husband would unfortunately look at porn than be with me. I don't understand that,but hey, he is over 300 pounds, so I'm thinking he's insecure as well. He won't talk about it, I hit a brick wall every time I bring it up. I went from having sex every day ten years ago with him to maybe once a month if I'm lucky? And he wonders why I'm such a grouch sometimes!
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Old 07-21-2012, 07:21 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Yep, canary, I agree, because I have seen the way men treated me when I was thin. I could tell I was getting fat simply because they were treating me differently. How predictable! Now, not all men are like that, I have seen a few golden ones, and most of the time they are with a lady that is a little less attractive (on the outside) but they are total sweethearts.
As for the sex thing, my husband would unfortunately look at porn than be with me. I don't understand that,but hey, he is over 300 pounds, so I'm thinking he's insecure as well. He won't talk about it, I hit a brick wall every time I bring it up. I went from having sex every day ten years ago with him to maybe once a month if I'm lucky? And he wonders why I'm such a grouch sometimes!
That sucks. I am so sorry. Yes it sounds like your husband is insecure or has issues. I hope you guys can work it out because there is sure to be resentment on your part whether you lose weight or not.
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Old 07-21-2012, 07:51 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Yep, canary, I agree, because I have seen the way men treated me when I was thin. I could tell I was getting fat simply because they were treating me differently. How predictable! Now, not all men are like that, I have seen a few golden ones, and most of the time they are with a lady that is a little less attractive (on the outside) but they are total sweethearts.
As for the sex thing, my husband would unfortunately look at porn than be with me. I don't understand that,but hey, he is over 300 pounds, so I'm thinking he's insecure as well. He won't talk about it, I hit a brick wall every time I bring it up. I went from having sex every day ten years ago with him to maybe once a month if I'm lucky? And he wonders why I'm such a grouch sometimes!
Wow this is turning into a deep conversation and I will do my best to tread lightly. Yes, men have confidence issues too and things like age, weight, general health and alcohol can affect sexual performance. Men also think about sex a great deal but at least in my case, I am not saying "Too fat, Too thin, Just right". There is much more to developing a relationship than just sex. Now saying that, sex is always somewhere in the mix. I know that being overweight does make me less confident. Fortunately it does not stop me from having sex.

As for porn... I will admit to using it, but it does not replace my relationship. My GF and I have even each shared things that we thought were interesting and/or stimulating, but it is a very difficult thing to share. There is a lot of emotion at stake there. I would suggest that men use porn because it is easy; by that I mean there is no judgement involved. It is a fantasy fourm that does not ostensibly put you at risk.
On the negative side, it can be very damaging to relationships. You are engaging in a selfish enterprise that in many cases excludes the woman you love. A man may do this because he is secretly ashamed of the fantasies he has or maybe he does not want to be held accountable for his desires.
If possible, I would suggest you have a frank, open discussion with your mate. Ask to see what it is he is looking at and see if you can discuss why his interest in you had diminished. It may be condifence, or even the lack of confidence that you display. It may be other things. Of course if it is a serious problem, then professional counseling is an option. I know that most men would not accept this. After all, if they are too ashamed to share with their wife, they are not likely to share with a therapist.
I know that I can be a vain, sensitive, arrogant, condescending, spoiled creature. But I would also like to think I am not all bad. I also do not think I am too different from other men.
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Old 07-22-2012, 09:22 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Okay, so here I am again, overweight. Three years ago I actually did it... got down to size 4 (I'm a lady) and 145 pounds. Now I'm right back where I started, 208 pounds and size 14. So, although I am the same person inside, I have had such different experiences having been fat and thin, and I've learned that thin girls definitely have more fun, and I want to be thin again. So here are some little tidbits of info that are really getting under my skin about being overweight, and I thought I'd share them.
I'm the odd one out with everyone else's replies (not really surprising to those who know me well), so I'll break it down point by point.

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1. Getting dressed totally sucks for a fat girl. I used to pull ONE outfit out of my closet when I was thin. It looked great. I was ready to go. Nowadays, I've got half the closet pulled onto the bed before I finally just settle on an outfit that feels good. Then, I try not to look into any mirrors as I go about my day.
I've always LOVED fashion! Even at my heaviest I loved to shop. I could spend hours finding things, trying them on, etc etc. Even now that I'm considerably thinner it takes forEVER for to pick an outfit. I have to try pretty much my entire wardrobe on twice before picking something.

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2. Men treat me totally different than they did when I was thin. They held doors for me. They joked around with me. Do I want guys hitting on me? NO WAY! I'd just like it if when I walked into AutoZone, the guy behind the counter would look up from his copy of PlayBoy and wait on me. That would be nice. I'd like to be treated like a normal person, not some disgusting blob who has let herself go. Men are naturally shallow and their standards are high, and no, I don't want to go through life being unattractive to them. People may say that's not right and I should be doing this for myself. But think about it, and you'll see what I mean, ok?
I've never had a problem attracting men. I think it's what Joe said, it's confidence. I've always thought highly of myself, and I never let my weight affect how I felt about who I am. I joke around with the guys at work, and in bars etc, just as much now as I did 75 lbs ago. It's about being comfortable in your own skin. People pick up on that whether you know it or not.
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3. My house is a mess right now. When I was thin, I kept my house in order. I felt good enough to do it. When I'm completing a project at home, I rarely feel hungry. Funny how a clean house and a "clean" body go hand in hand.
I still have problems keeping a "clean" house by my mother's standards. It is in no way shape or form dirty, but could be neater. Heavy, not so heavy, housework isn't my thing. And I won't get started on my car
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4. My kids and I had fun when I was thin. We ran together. We went out and did things outside. Now the poor kids are subject to sit in the house becauseoverweight Mommy doesn't feel like doing anything. That's not fair. And now my older son is starting to put on pounds as well which is not good for him at all.
I don't have kids of my own, but I do have nieces and nephews that are like my own. I always have and always will do with them. I've never really been super inactive. I just had a problem with food.....I LOVE IT!!!!
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5. Photos. I could have screamed when I saw myself in my sister's wedding photos a week ago. And of course all those photos went on facebook, for everyone to see. So they see the fat I was trying to hide by only posting pics that were flattering and didn't show my double chin were hoaxes. I feel a lot like a big, fat version of Pinnochio right now. It's very embarrassing. My husband wants to get photos done at Christmas. We need to, but if I see anymore fat photos of me, I'm going to die.
photos don't bother me so much. They are what they are. They are of a point in my life that I look back on and say WOW, I did that to myself. I look back at them from time to time, especially when I'm having a particularly bad day (yes, I do have them...we all do) and I don't see the fat, ugly, disgusting person that I was. I look at them and see how far I've come. I use them as fuel to not get back to that unhealthy person. I still love who I was then though. They're memories of places I've been and things I've done, nothing more. They're a moment in time. Those moments can't be changed. And why would I want them to. Everything I've done, seen, and been a part of has shaped who I am today.
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When you're overweight, life is a struggle. The only thing some people see is my fat. So I have to get rid of it and get my life back. I'm hoping this site helps me. I am ready to feel good again, and be the person I feel like inside.
I think life is a struggle for everyone, overweight or not. We can't change how other people see things or what they think. We can change what WE think and how WE see things. My advice to you is this....stop caring what others think. Love who you are NOW, and who you're going to be when you reach goal. Cause you're MAGNIFICENT JUST HOW YOU ARE!
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Old 07-22-2012, 04:45 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I'm the odd one out with everyone else's replies (not really surprising to those who know me well), so I'll break it down point by point.
I have lots of thoughts about the posts here but every time I think about responding I become rambling.

However, I did just want to say, Tori, that I really admire your perspective and your insight, both about yourself and life in general. I always look forward to your posts. Plus, you remind me a lot of my niece, whom I love dearly. I am glad you're here.
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Old 07-22-2012, 05:39 PM   #18 (permalink)
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What do you do differently that you gained weight? Is it an eating problem or is it hormonal? or something else.
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Old 07-29-2012, 09:10 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Ok. Reading through most of these posts and regarding the way overweight people (both men AND women) are treated by the opposite sex is clearly evident. Being a guy that was 220 at one point and getting down to 150 ( I am now back up to 200 or as I like to call it the "she's not interested weight class) the weight itself is HUGE in the way either sex will treat or react to the other. Yes confidence plays a part, a pretty big part but weight plays a huge part also and for most people confidence is directly related to weight.

Everyone, men and women are attracted to fit, healthy bodies and that's the way it should be. Healthy should be a goal. It is for me and that is why I'm here. I was MUCH happier, confident and wanted when I was at a fit weight. Now I don't advocate treating anyone badly, as hope that I never do... but the laws of attraction are pretty clear, that both weight AND confidence play major roles in the way people are treated by others. To say that this practice is limited to just men is absolutely wrong as I can testify first hand ...
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Old 07-30-2012, 08:59 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I just wanted to add my two cents...I do believe a lot of it has to do with confidence. I also even at over 350lbs was a fun girl to be around. Sure I didn't like how I looked but I still had guys that would flirt or try to hit on me. The reason? I was confident in who I was. My husband did (still does) always worry that I could get with any other guy that I want. He even told me one time something to the effect of "it doesn't matter what size you are...all a guy would have to do is talk to you and he'd want you." Awww for my hubby, I know but I do believe that confidence has lots to do with attracting the opposite sex.
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