Eliochacon

I'm here because I don't know where else to put this. I don't see any support groups for people with significant others who are morbidly obese like they have for those involved with drug addicts, alcoholics or gamblers. she had the lap band done in September. I know she hasn't lost any weight because she'd tell me and anyway you can see it. She's maybe eating slightly less but mostly she's just found food she can eat without experiencing any discomfort. She eats cheese and yogurt and cereal by the pound. She weighs 375 but still keeps eating. What scares me is that when we first met she used to frequently tell me that she hated being fat and that I inspired her because I tried to eat well and exercise regularly. She hasn't said that in a long time. I love her but I hate the weight and I'm tired of it.

VitoVino

Does she have an account here? If not, why don't you suggest to her that she creates one and suggest she starts reading the Forums. Then maybe she'll decide to track her foods, without any changes. Most find (including me) that when they start seeing exactly what they're doing when it comes to monitoring their foods they start making adjustments. It's a real awakening for many. Worth a shot?

almeeker

I know several people that have had the lap band procedure and none of them have lost any weight. From what I can tell it just a crutch and another place to lay the blame.

Personally I don't think that you can change the mindset of another person, although you can be supportive enough to make a big difference if she really wants to change. Secondly she has to want this for herself, it's not healthy for the relationship if she makes this change for you, or to keep you. I think you probably need to be more proactive on your own health and set an example, rather than worry about her weight. So maybe what you need to do is choose something like a race or a goal weight or fitness agenda for yourself. Clear all the junk food out of the house and ask her not to sabotage your efforts, you might also join a gym and ask her to be your workout partner, go for long romantic walks, buy some bikes and go riding together, maybe take a ballroom dancing class together, set up a fitday account and track your own calories and include her in that effort, etc etc. I also firmly believe that you need to be patient, "if" she comes around (and it's a big "if"), it's going to be a very slow process. And the minute you set conditions to your affections, all bets are off.

dear_abby

Amy's response brought a tear to my eye - as does your situation. My wonderful husband was morbidly obese, now he's just obese, and we're working on it. But, it was painful to know I could do nothing about it all those years. The oddest place it caused strife was with my parents and sisters, who would make snide comments to me behind his back. Whether it was my fault that he was overweight, or what, I never figured their agendas, and finally told my mother that such comments were forbidden (I've found that works, simply say "you may not say things like that to me").

DH began to lose weight when he got a wake up call doctor's visit, the number of things which were on the cusp of becoming critical health issues was scary - and, they've almost all gone away!

Don't know if I can offer you anything more than some caring, but I have been there, and its a hard place to me.

Abby

mecompco

I've been morbidly obese (even super obese, which I never knew existed until recently) most of my life. I have learned that NO ONE can MAKE another person lose weight (unless, of course, they are imprisoned).

We each need to get our "switch" flipped and just decide to do it. My daughter just flipped her switch (finally!) and is tracking her calories and exercising. My wife needs to do the same, but sadly has yet to "flip".

Now I DO know people who have been successful with the lapband, but I also know that you can "out eat" one and when last I looked into it (yup, I gave it consideration) the long-term results were not too encouraging.

So, other than lending support and perhaps leading them here, I don't know what to tell you. Nagging, snide remarks and the like are not the answer. I wish you and your's success!

Regards,
Michael

Eliochacon

Thanks to all of you for your response and for giving me some things to consider. My sincere congratulations to all of you who have lost weight.