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Old 10-29-2011, 01:08 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Don't want to fail this time! Any tips?

I'm two days into my routine and determined to stay on track and work hard to reach my goals. But I'm nervous since so many serious efforts have failed after only one week, and I was wondering if anyone has suggestions for someone who is prone to rationalization and giving up.

Ideally I'd like to lose the 40 pounds I've put on slowly since freshman year of college 8 years ago. I've tried half a dozen times in the last couple years, and each time I am adamant about it to the point of obsession - for exactly 7 days. At that point, I've always given up, convincing myself that being overweight isn't so bad and the struggle to stay in control of my consumption isn't worth the "quality of life" that gluttony of food and drink provides.

Another challenge is that my goddamn boyfriend can (and does!) eat whatever junk he wants without having to worry about weight. He's blessed with an ideal metabolism. I, however, have grown a bit since we first started dating, and I want to look good for him (and myself, of course) without asking him to alter his lifestyle, or making him feel bad about how he eats around me.

Does anyone have any tips for staying on track and keeping focus in the long run? My mind plays tricks on me -- I know I can gain control if I can find a way to train myself for success, I just don't know how.
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Old 10-29-2011, 01:24 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by bananarama84 View Post
...I was wondering if anyone has suggestions for someone who is prone to rationalization and giving up...

Ideally I'd like to lose the 40 pounds I've put on slowly since freshman year of college 8 years ago...

...Does anyone have any tips for staying on track and keeping focus in the long run? My mind plays tricks on me -- I know I can gain control if I can find a way to train myself for success, I just don't know how....

Yes. Look at the long term situation here. You probably "give up" because you are thinking too short term and get frustrated with your results.

You can lose your 40 pounds. People on this site have lost HUNDREDS. I myself am getting close to losing 30 and I'm a lot older than you. You can do it!

Gaining control is what we do here. It's calorie tracking. You have all the tools and resources that you need to be successful. There are no gimmicks here, just plain honesty (don't cheat yourself) and determination. "Training yourself for success" is to become educated. Read the forums. Ask questions. Stick around and join the ladies support group. And read the FitDay Articles, they are second to none!

FitDay: Free Diet & Weight Loss Journal

Now you know how!

And...



to FitDay!
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Old 10-29-2011, 02:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bananarama84 View Post
I'm two days into my routine and determined to stay on track and work hard to reach my goals. But I'm nervous since so many serious efforts have failed after only one week, and I was wondering if anyone has suggestions for someone who is prone to rationalization and giving up.....

Ideally I'd like to lose the 40 pounds I've put on slowly since freshman year of college 8 years ago. I've tried half a dozen times in the last couple years, and each time I am adamant about it to the point of obsession - for exactly 7 days. At that point, I've always given up, convincing myself that being overweight isn't so bad and the struggle to stay in control of my consumption isn't worth the "quality of life" that gluttony of food and drink provides.

Another challenge is that my goddamn boyfriend can (and does!) eat whatever junk he wants without having to worry about weight. He's blessed with an ideal metabolism. I, however, have grown a bit since we first started dating, and I want to look good for him (and myself, of course) without asking him to alter his lifestyle, or making him feel bad about how he eats around me.

Does anyone have any tips for staying on track and keeping focus in the long run? My mind plays tricks on me -- I know I can gain control if I can find a way to train myself for success, I just don't know how.
I'm going to give you just a little bit of "tough love" here, but before I do, let me say welcome, and you CAN do this

I'm not sure if I would call a 1-week effort a "serious effort" -- I do believe you that you made the goal to try and lose weight and carved out a plan, but perhaps your mental space just wasn't what it could have been. In fact, if I had to guess, my guess would be that you probably went TOO hard at first and burned yourself out. I am prone to rationalization myself ("Oh, I can just have a little bit, it won't kill me - I'll make up for it later") and I found that the biggest thing that helped me was entering slowly. That is... I spent 3-4 days just entering food. EVERYTHING. "The good, the bad, and the ugly" to see what my eating habits were like when beginning. And I found out that those "little bits" added up to a LOT when I entered every handful of chips, every little cookie, every glass of diet soda, etc.

Then, I made a single goal to cut my calories. I didn't even think about exercise, protein amounts, carb ratios, nothin'. I just said "This week, I'll try to max out my daily calories at 1500" And I failed miserably the first 3-4 days. But every day I made a little adjustment (Ok, I won't have that sausage with breakfast) and kept at it until 1500 calories became a reasonable goal. Some days I hit 1600. Other days I went 1300. But average, it was right spot on.

For me, having one single goal helped curbed my rationalization, because man, I've only got one goal to "rationalize" -- if I talked myself out of my one goal, I felt like a total slacker. It was easier to talk myself out of a laundry list of goals (eating! Exercise! Water! No carbs!) when I had a bunch because I felt like I could "make it up," if that makes sense So maybe try that!! In time, you'll find you can work up to more than one goal, but it may help you a lot to Keep It Simple in the beginning. The scale WILL reward you in time. Don't expect miracles...slow and steady wins the race

Secondly (and here comes the tough love) -- don't blame your boyfriend for your lack of motivation. That's just "passing the buck." My boyfriend also eats whatever he darn well pleases. I don't let his lifestyle influence mine. I haven't asked him to change, but I *have* asked him to respect my needs. For example, we've come to a compromise that he can have whatever junk he likes around the house that does NOT tempt me. I have my weaknesses...salty/cheesy snacks are among them. I however don't have much of a sweet tooth, so he can have cookies and candy and brownies and whatever and it doesn't bother me. If he does want to have something like Doritos in the house, I ask that he keeps them out of my sight (out of sight, out of mind!) and doesn't tell me where. I don't think that's really asking much of a significant other. He also is happy that I'm doing something good for myself.

Have you talked to your BF about your wants and needs? Is he supportive? Mine will cook me whatever I want even if he hates that particular food (He'll just make himself what he wants separately). Have you let him know that it's rough to watch him eat mounds of junk? You two should be able to come to some sort of understanding that respects both of your lifestyle choices. But it has to come from you. Don't feel guilty about wanting to feel healthy!!!! Odds are, your BF may surprise you with how he feels and how he's willing to help, even if it's simply by making small compromises

You can do it, hun! Don't give up!
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Female, 31 years old, 5'4 1/2" tall
Starting weight 1/4/11 = 215.2 lbs.
Weight 9/19/14 = 176.6 (net: -38.6)
Last mini-goal: 180 lbs. REACHED! Reward - new sports bra
Current min-goal: 175 lbs.
Next large goal: 165 lbs. by 12/25/2014
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Old 10-30-2011, 12:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Have you talked to your BF about your wants and needs? Is he supportive? Mine will cook me whatever I want even if he hates that particular food (He'll just make himself what he wants separately). You can do it, hun! Don't give up!
Oh my gosh that is one great guy! I've been with my husband nearly 20 years now (married 13) and I can count on one hand the times he has cooked for me. And he is a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy so when I cook something that he thinks is ''healthy" (i.e. bran muffins, zucchini bread, whole wheat pasta, brown rice, yogurt etc. ) he won't touch it. Rarely eats fruits or vegetables either. If he is cooking for you, keep him!

In answer to the original question, try making sure you work on your attitude. There are a few books and articles out there about self-compassion and losing weight. I know for me, I will get down in the dumps and tell myself that I will eat "just a little" candy, cookies, etc and pretty soon I've eaten much more than I wanted to and I feel awful and mentally I hate myself. Find ways to reward yourself that don't involve food. Be proud of the little achievements along the way and face the bad times and put them behind you. Be kind to yourself along this journey.
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Old 10-30-2011, 11:57 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Im dieting and my husband isnt! His weight is out of control but he yo yo diets and is in his eating phase.
To make it a bit easier for me I try to eat an early dinner before he's home so i don't get caught up in potions being too big because his dinner may look so big on the plate, if i downsize mine,it may look smaller but is actually still not the right potions.
So for now I eat 1st and save my salad to eat when he sits down to dinner.
As far as the snacking after dinner which he really enjoys, I save some carbs & have some popcorn,dry cereal or a fruit (or your choice od food that fits your diet)when he is snacking.
I really weigh and log all my foods through the day to make me so motivated by evening that i~ see it in writing~ as i ck my log that the day is almost over and i've done so well- it's not worth it to eat cookies with him as we watch tv.
I've also asked him to wait for 2wks before we go out to eat- this gives time to build will power and make good choices when I do go out!
Good Luck to you and have some patience-everything in life is better when you add a portion of patience to it!
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Old 07-17-2012, 03:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
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If any of these tips helped, please forward them to me. My diets last a month and then I turn into a Bridgette Jones type character (but instead of booze, its chocolate and booze). Terrible.
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Old 07-22-2012, 01:09 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hello Everyone Been trying to post on some of these thread, but they just don't take. Any way I am working on losing 65 pounds and it is not happening as fast as I would like. I have lost 20 pounds in 2years. would like for it to go a little faster. I have set a personal goal to be a 190 by the end of the year. And the way it's going that won't happen. Well that's enough belly acheing. Every one have a great day and keep smiling
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