Originally Posted by bananarama84
I'm two days into my routine and determined to stay on track and work hard to reach my goals. But I'm nervous since so many serious efforts have failed after only one week, and I was wondering if anyone has suggestions for someone who is prone to rationalization and giving up.....
Ideally I'd like to lose the 40 pounds I've put on slowly since freshman year of college 8 years ago. I've tried half a dozen times in the last couple years, and each time I am adamant about it to the point of obsession - for exactly 7 days. At that point, I've always given up, convincing myself that being overweight isn't so bad and the struggle to stay in control of my consumption isn't worth the "quality of life" that gluttony of food and drink provides.
Another challenge is that my goddamn boyfriend can (and does!) eat whatever junk he wants without having to worry about weight. He's blessed with an ideal metabolism. I, however, have grown a bit since we first started dating, and I want to look good for him (and myself, of course) without asking him to alter his lifestyle, or making him feel bad about how he eats around me.
Does anyone have any tips for staying on track and keeping focus in the long run? My mind plays tricks on me -- I know I can gain control if I can find a way to train myself for success, I just don't know how.
I'm going to give you just a little bit of "tough love" here, but before I do, let me say welcome, and you CAN do this
I'm not sure if I would call a 1-week effort a "serious effort" -- I do believe you that you made the goal to try and lose weight and carved out a plan, but perhaps your mental space just wasn't what it could have been. In fact, if I had to guess, my guess would be that you probably went TOO hard at first and burned yourself out. I am prone to rationalization myself ("Oh, I can just have a little bit, it won't kill me - I'll make up for it later") and I found that the biggest thing that helped me was entering slowly. That is... I spent 3-4 days just entering food. EVERYTHING. "The good, the bad, and the ugly" to see what my eating habits were like when beginning. And I found out that those "little bits" added up to a LOT when I entered every handful of chips, every little cookie, every glass of diet soda, etc.
Then, I made a single goal to cut my calories. I didn't even think about exercise, protein amounts, carb ratios, nothin'. I just said "This week, I'll try to max out my daily calories at 1500" And I failed miserably the first 3-4 days. But every day I made a little adjustment (Ok, I won't have that sausage with breakfast) and kept at it until 1500 calories became a reasonable goal. Some days I hit 1600. Other days I went 1300. But average, it was right spot on.
For me, having one single goal helped curbed my rationalization, because man, I've only got one goal to "rationalize" -- if I talked myself out of my one goal, I felt like a total slacker. It was easier to talk myself out of a laundry list of goals (eating! Exercise! Water! No carbs!) when I had a bunch because I felt like I could "make it up," if that makes sense
So maybe try that!! In time, you'll find you can work up to more than one goal, but it may help you a lot to Keep It Simple in the beginning. The scale WILL reward you in time. Don't expect miracles...slow and steady wins the race
Secondly (and here comes the tough love) -- don't blame your boyfriend for your lack of motivation. That's just "passing the buck." My boyfriend also eats whatever he darn well pleases. I don't let his lifestyle influence mine. I haven't asked him to change, but I *have* asked him to respect my needs. For example, we've come to a compromise that he can have whatever junk he likes around the house that does NOT tempt me. I have my weaknesses...salty/cheesy snacks are among them. I however don't have much of a sweet tooth, so he can have cookies and candy and brownies and whatever and it doesn't bother me. If he does want to have something like Doritos in the house, I ask that he keeps them out of my sight (out of sight, out of mind!) and doesn't tell me where. I don't think that's really asking much of a significant other. He also is happy that I'm doing something good for myself.
Have you talked to your BF about your wants and needs? Is he supportive? Mine will cook me whatever I want even if he hates that particular food (He'll just make himself what he wants separately). Have you let him know that it's rough to watch him eat mounds of junk? You two should be able to come to some sort of understanding that respects both of your lifestyle choices. But it has to come from you. Don't feel guilty about wanting to feel healthy!!!! Odds are, your BF may surprise you with how he feels and how he's willing to help, even if it's simply by making small compromises
You can do it, hun! Don't give up!
Female, 30 years old, 5'4 1/2" tall
Starting weight 1/4/11 = 215.2 lbs.
Weight 8/30/13 = 179.8 (net: -35.4)
Current mini-goal: 175 lbs.
Lowest weight: 156.7 lbs.
150.2 lbs. <--- Official "Healthy BMI" weight
Estimated final goal: 130 lbs.
"You don't have to change your life today. You only need to change your day today."