HI new in Baltimore MD

[Tiredofthis29]

I'm super super negitive right now so I wont write to much. I'll tell you about me and my struggles and keep it moving from there.

Hi, I'm Tasha. 29 and I'm 337 lbs. Never been this big BUT I have always been over weight. I was like 200 in middle school. I've always been the funny kid, laid back, cool type person but I realize that that was me hiding my insurities of me being twice as big as most of the kids in my school. I was ashamed and didnt know it. anyways. When I was 17 I started restricting and purging what I ate. Of course it worked and I lost 65 lbs in a short amount of time. I remember exercising until I passed out. I was just fed and tired. and of course I gained the weight back after I started eating again. Because of this I have a fear of dieting. So Im educating myself on the right ways to do things. I know you have to eat to lose weight. and ive done it before. But anyways, when I had my daughter I reached 310. after I had her I was down toi 280. In 2008 I decided to lose weight. I joined a website adn it worked great. I ate my 1800 cals and I lost about 25 lbs and then I stopped.... I always stop and then of course I gained 25 lbs and PLUS back. then my meds were switched (Im bipolar ) and I gained about 50 lbs from that. It wasnt the meds, it was that I was never full. I ate and ate and ate and I didnt use the tools that I know works for me. I didnt count my cals like I should. I wasnt mindful about my intake. Its my fault and not the meds. ANYWAYS, so here I am today. The biggests I;ve ever been, I'm sad, mad, frustrated, I want to change but I stand in my way. I am my biggest issue. how do you get urself out of the way? My idea is to log in to my weight loss sites at least once a day. surround myself with ppl who are overweight like me and who wants to lose weight and we do it together. Also stop beating myself up. I realize that my self esteem is no where as low as it use to be. I get my pedicure done twice a week, I do my hair, wear lip gloss. and at times i feel beautiful. and i know im worth this. Im worth losing these 157 lbs. ok blah blah right? lol.. so here;s a quick run down of me.

Tasha. I live in Baltimore md. 337. goal weight is 180 and I have 10 lbs mini goals to keep me motiovated. Looking forward to meeting some supportive people

[cjohnson728]

Hi Tasha, welcome to FitDay and the forums. Glad to have you along. It sounds like you're frustrated but also ready to make a change, and that's a good thing. You are exactly right...you need to realize that you are worth it, and you are. You can do this, just take one day at a time and focus on being healthy and making good choices. Easier said than done, right? Well, we're all in the same boat and we'll help as best we can.

You might want to check out some of the other threads so you can get to know folks and they can get to know you. There is a 100+ Pounds to Lose thread in the Weight Loss section and a Motivational thread in the Women's Corner section, both of those are good places to start but of course feel free to post anywhere with any questions, comments, or rants .

What part of Balto. are you in? That's my hometown!

[bojibridge]

Welcome, Tasha! I've, too, have struggled a great deal with getting in my own way when it comes to breaking bad habits. I would try, and get really excited about succeeding, but for whatever reason, I'd never actually succeed, and I'd get really down on myself. Eventually, I stopped trying - I just couldn't take any more failure. I figured, heck, if I stopped trying, I'd stop failing! I have type 1 diabetes, and earlier this year, I realized I needed to start taking care of myself or sooner or later, I was going to fall apart (literally.) It was so difficult at first - I kept thinking, I've done this before, and every single time, I've failed - this one probably won't end any differently. I decided to see a counsellor about it, because I knew I needed to get it right this time. I told her, "I've been down this road before, I know where it goes - straight to failure." And she said (and it was a revelation), "You haven't been down this road before - hands down. You've never been here, in this moment, in this situation exactly as it is now, before." And I realized she was right. My thousand past failures did in no way need to dictate what I did from that moment forward. And you know what? Turns out she was right, because here I am 7 months later, and I'm so much healthier than I was.

Anyway, sorry for the long story... I guess I just wanted to say that you've had trouble in the past, but you've never been here before. Now can be your moment.

Good luck!