Hi allissa...so sorry for your loss. I can understand how such a sad experience would leave you trying to fill up some emptiness. Have you thought about seeing someone for counseling and support? Sometimes it's really hard to handle those heavy-hitting life events by ourselves, and often we fall into bad coping skills...like emotional eating.
That being said, welcome to FitDay. Use the tools that are here. Track your food in the food logs, log your exercise, look at how many calories per day you can have and still lose at a safe and steady pace, and try to balance out your carbs, protein, and fat percentages. If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask, and jump into any thread or topic that sounds good to you. Above all, take care of yourself, have faith in yourself, and know that you can do this.
And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good.