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Old 03-30-2011, 06:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Would you give chocolate as a gift?

My husband loves sweets especially chocolate and rarely gives up desert. I think he eats at least one candy bar a day. His favorite breakfast is donuts or chocolate croissant with hot chocolate (whole-fat milk) and whipped cream. He would love to get big candy bars as gifts.

I eat much differently than him and I am always watching what I am eating. One day he went to a bookstore and decided to buy me something and bought me a large box of chocolates. I didn't want to have it in the house because it was something I liked and I knew I would finish it. I didn't want to throw it away because it would seem rude, unappreciative and wasteful. I tried to eat only a few, but ate the whole box and then hated myself. I have told him that I don't want him to give me chocolates. Easter is going to be challenging again. He has already bought himself and our son a solid chocolate rabbit.

His father's birthday was last month and eventhough he is borderline diabetic, my husband bought him a bunch of candy.

We just got back from a trip and he wanted to buy the people who watched our dog a big box of chocolates. I reminded him that the woman was pregnant and might not be eating chocolate. I also tried to tell him that not all people appreciated getting chocolate. He just rolls his eyes at me and implies that because I am always "dieting", I am the strange one.

I would like to know what others think about getting and giving sweets as gifts and what you do about it.
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Old 03-30-2011, 06:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I personally wouldn't buy anyone food as a gift. But it seems like your husband really is just trying to be sweet. Literally . Anyways I have this problem with my mom as well, and when she buys cookies, or candies, I ask her "Mom, please can you keep this in your room for me?" and now she keeps most of the bad foods in her room. Even if it's a gift you don't have to eat it. Tell your husband "thanks, this is very nice of you but I really can't be eating this" or you can just throw it out secretly and lie and say you ate it. "all gone " One thing I also think you need to do is have a long chat with him. Tell him exactly how you feel after eating his chocolates and candies. Also tell him how hard it is for you to lose weight and that you need to be healthy. Maybe you'll need to be tough with him on this and say "if you buy this for me, I'll have to throw it out". He needs to be supportive. You need to demand your needs sometimes for people to get it.

My mom can have 100 chocolates in her room for a year. Slowly taking 1 every once in a while. If someone gives me 100 chocolates, I'll have none left the next day. So obviously I need to say NO CHOCOLATES AROUND ME OR I'LL GAIN A MILLION POUNDS! She doesn't understand why I need to eat them all at once. Maybe your husband also just doesn't understand.

Anyways don't feel bad for throwing out junk-foods, you aren't gaining any nutrition from it in your body whether you eat it or not. If it hurts your husbands feelings, I'm sorry but maybe that's what it will take for him to realize how important this is to you. Maybe he'll finally get it. Good luck, hope this helps a little.
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Old 03-30-2011, 06:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Our family does give chocolate as gifts, but generally only at Christmas time and we make them ourselves, so the boxes aren't huge and the items are not something you can buy just anywhere. When it comes to his family I wouldn't interfere, if he thinks it's an okay gift, chances are they do to. But when it comes to giving you chocolates you might suggest he buy you something that he can't resist, so then you can share it (cuts the calories in half right?). Another thing you might try is to suddenly develop a taste for very expensive chocolates in hopes that he'll only spend so much. Or you might drag him out shopping and show him exactly what you want that isn't chocolate, a nice big piece of jewelry is always better than a box of bonbons.
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Old 03-30-2011, 06:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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My rule about giving gifts is to give people what they like and want, not what I (the giver) may like and want.

To give chocolate to a person who is trying to avoid it or is pregnant or diabetic isn't necessarily deliberately hurtful, it's just not thinking about the recipient.

Next time DH gives you a big box of chocolates, bring it to the office or open it up for guests. Easter will be a challenge but if he is buying it for himself and your child, you must try to resist. Have something on hand that you like: a treat that you feel OK about eating.

When your birthday or the holidays roll around, hand DH a list of reasonably priced easily acquired things you would like, whatever they are: books, candles, workout tapes, whatever.

And know that many of us are in the same boat. My teenage daughter is at least 30 pounds overweight and has always had problems with her weight. Over the years, I have asked a dear friend not to give her chocolate or candy as gifts. "Oh but it's the holidays, her birthday, etc." It's always something. If I can intercept it, I give it away or else I toss it (without the friend's or DD's knowledge.) My daughter's health and well being are more important to me than being courteous to someone who ignores my expressed wishes, even though I know she loves my daugher and means her no harm. What do they say? The path to hell is paved with good intentions. If DH still gives you chocolate, give it away or throw it away outside the house and tell him you put it to good use but hey for next time there's a belt you like that would look much better on your hips.

Last edited by canary52; 03-30-2011 at 06:54 PM.
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Old 03-30-2011, 08:02 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Yeah, I agree. I don't think he's necessarily trying to be "subversive" (though I find the point about 'always dieting' to be a little insensitive) -- I think he just loves chocolate, and assumes that others love it as well. Spreading the chocolate love!

The deal I have with my BF is that he can buy any treats he wants, as long as I don't like them too. I'm lucky in that I don't have a big sweet tooth, so there can be cookies and candies around the house; I just don't want them. But if he were to buy, say -- chips, or cheezy crackers, or Doritos, we'd have problems!

I like almeeker's suggestion of "splitting" the boxes, buying you something that he likes himself, etc. Or, instead of saying to him "You just don't understand! I Need This!" try saying something like "I appreciate that you want to do nice things for me, and I love that you're thinking of me, but what I'd really like is..." and then list whatever you'd want, be it flowers or some nice jewelry...or a blender! Guys can be a little thick-skulled when it comes to presents. Most of the time it's about the gesture, and not the chocolates. I hope you guys come to a nice conclusion and a compromise or solution that works for you.
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Old 03-30-2011, 08:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Would you give chocolate as a gift?
Yes, I give it to my wife all the time... Although in 20 years of marriage I've only given it as a give to friends just a few times. Normally it's the stuff that is on sale after a Holiday that been discounted 50%-74%... LOL

It's not the cost that counts, it's that thought enough to get it for them, right... So what if I saved some money on it... lol

Wrong! And that is why I don't give chocolate as a gift to any one but my wife.
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Old 04-06-2011, 03:22 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Some men think chocolate is a romantic gift, and it kind of is if it's presented nicely. Instead, maybe you could drop some hints about how elegant and pretty you'll feel after he sends you to that beautiful Spa down the street. Which could be a gift to both of you... (blush).
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Old 04-14-2011, 04:31 AM   #8 (permalink)
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In terms of your situation - if your husband loves dessert that much, I agree it's possible he just thinks you're missing out; that food is love, and sweet food especially sweet love. It sounds like he doesn't fully understand or appreciate the principles of healthy eating. Also, that it might just be easier for him to have a standby gift. Maybe he's a little thoughtless, but - I know this is a huge generalization - I've met only a few men who are careful in that way, and really, most of them are gay.

(I was recently horrified by my very own brother, who offered to share a plate with an acquaintance and then ate over her half, which like his, was directly under his mouth. Garh, I don't know, honestly, I've been struggling with the whole man issue a lot lately ... I recently ended a long-term, bad relationship, and my best friend is having marital problems. The two men in question make it very easy to slip into misandry. I do think that if you've got to live with one, it's better to accept his limitations than to drive yourself crazy with frustration. To stop expecting him to think like you, and just do what needs doing for yourself. In this case, I guess that could mean putting them in the trunk of your car until you can bring them to work to pawn off on your colleagues, where you'll look greedy if you have more than a few.)

As for whether I give people chocolates - yes, on occasion, if I know the person likes them or isn't diabetic. I tend to get the smaller boxes of posh dark chocolates (well, posh for me), which are much harder to binge on than milk choc.
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Old 04-14-2011, 04:27 PM   #9 (permalink)
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My ex used to give me chocolates when I was dieting. He also would respond to compliments from others about my weight loss with " She will just put it back on" Hmmm I wonder why he is an ex? Mary
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Old 04-15-2011, 06:03 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Men give chocolate as a gift in hopes that they will get to eat some of it too.
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