Seeking a healthy lifestyle that will last!
This is a struggle for me. Finally putting in writing how I struggle with my weight, self-esteem, lack of energy...they're all related, right? It's hard to admit I struggle daily with my weight however if you were to look at me it would be no secret.
A little background....I turned 40 in December so its getting harder to lose weight now as some of you may know. But things are different for me now. It's not just about fitting into that bikini or buying the smaller sizes. Don't get me wrong, those things are great, but after this morning I have come to realize I have to make some changes so I can become a healthy, confident mom to my daughter. I have been married to a wonderful man for 12 years and since my wedding day my weight has steadily crept up. I was in the 130's on our wedding day. By the time I had my biggest and best suprise, being pregnant at the age of 37, my weight was up to 190. After a healthy pregnancy I was able to quickly lose 30 of the 40 pounds I had gained, confident that I would lose that last 10 and then more. I then suffered 2 miscarriages within 6 months which as you can imagine was heartbreaking. It is still something that I really don't talk about as it was a changing moment in my life....I gave up on myself. I have devoted my time to my family and put on a smiling face for friends and family but stopped taking care of myself. I have no doubt I was depressed during those dark months although I never sought medical attention for it. Since then my weight has crept up to 243 at its highest. That is higher than when I gave actually gave birth! For the record, I know this is a lot of personal information but I feel that I finally need to be honest about my struggles if I am to move forward. I am ashamed of the way I have let myself go and am horrified of the thought that my daughter would have to worry about my health or be embarrassed by my size.
Everything came to a hault today as I was forced to look at what I have done to myself. I went to the doctor this morning because I caught some cold that my husband and daughter have been passing back and forth. They took my blood pressure 4 times....the first was 165/100, the second....185/150, the third and fourth were back "down" to 168/98. That's when I finally realized this can no longer be a fantasy to lose weight. I have to take care of myself so I can be a healthy mother to my daughter and a better wife to my husband. Most importantly, I need to learn to start liking....even loving myself again. On a side note, my husband was just diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes so this is obviously a family issue and I don't want my daughter to ever have to struggle with her weight or body image as I have.
I hope that by posting my story, I can hold myself accountable to my future goals. I'm not looking for a quick fix nor do I feel the need to lose all my weight in a short amount of time. I am looking for a lifestyle change full of activity and healthy eating....not just a diet that I will do until I hit my goal weight then go back to way things were (a mistake I've made in the past). I would like to reach my goal weight of 125 pounds and I'm going to give myself a goal of 1 to 1 1/2 pounds lost per week. I've done the thing where I have lost over 10 pounds in the first couple of weeks only to gain 12 back the next month. Been there, done that. Please, in no way am I knocking any of the other people that have had great success in a short amount of time. I am so happy for them! I have just learned that for myself....when I lose weight quickly, I seem to put it back on at an even quicker pace. This is my journey and I have to start accepting some facts that I have learned about myself along the way.
The doctor says that the high blood pressure may be due to the illness (I don't have a history of high blood pressure despite my weight issues). She gave me some antibiotics and said I needed to take care of this first before we looked at my weight or blood pressure.....interestingly enough she didn't set up a follow up appointment. So, I'm taking things into my own hands. I will take the 10 days of the medicine and am scheduling a physical for the following week. For the first time ever, I have been counting my sodium intake for the day. That has been an eye opener.
Once again, I'm sharing my story so I can hold myself accountable and maybe someday inspire others with my success along the way. As of today, I was at 235.8....wish me luck