Hello everyone. I just want to say that I am happy that I found this site. It feels good to know that my words will be read by others who actually know my struggle.
I am a soon to be, 25 year old female (March) who has been overweight my entire life. In the beginning, I was just a chubby little thing. I've always been rather tall, so I was bigger than all of the other kids my age when I was in elementary. Though the boys began to surpass me in height during my middle school/junior high years, I was still bigger than most of the kids my age. This made me feel different, and like I didn't fit in. Not to mention, I was called FAT by 3 girls on my first day of kindergarten. That did WONDERS for my esteem!
When I hit 15 I REALLY began to pack on the pounds. Though I had started my period when I was 12, (spotting at age 8) I could count the number of periods I had actually had, using two hands. I was surprised by my weight. I did love my sweets, but my diet hadn't changed that much for me to be packing on 30lbs within a matter of months! One of my teachers (who looked to be about 400 pounds) even had the nerve to ask me what I had been eating and that I needed to slim down. My mother helped me get removed from her class.
At age 16, I was finally diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and high blood pressure, and was told that I'd be diabetic by the time I hit my 20s. I was also told that I had a slim chance of ever getting pregnant. I was put on 500mg of metformin a day, and lost about 30lbs instantly.
After being on the metformin for a little over a year, I became pregnant with my daughter. My pregnancy went pretty well, and I was able to deliver my beautiful princess vaginally. She came out weighing a healthy 7lbs 12ounces, with no health complications.
When I came home from the hospital, I was overjoyed to be a mother, but sickened by my size and deflated looking tummy. My body had changed for the worse, and I kept myself from the mirror. I began to eat only 1-2 small bowls of grapes a day. Sometimes, I would only drink a diet soda or two, and sometimes I wouldn't eat anything at all. Not to mention, I'd got into the habit of sticking my finger down my throat to bring up my food. When my mother started noticing that I had these red spots on my face (something I do when I throw up), she began to question me, but was still clueless. I ended up losing a total of 40lbs-45lbs in a month, bringing me down to about 205-210lbs. At a size 11/12 (I'm about 5'10), I felt on top of the world. For reasons beyond me, I stopped making myself throw up, and started back eating again.
I am glad to say that at age 24, I am not diabetic, and that I AM a mother. However, over the years I devoloped a food addiction, mainly centered around sweets. Not only did I get all the way back up to my pregnancy weight, but I have went beyond it. And to think, I was complaining about being a size 14. Now, I'm a size 18/20.
I don't know why I took the time to reveal so much about my struggle with my weight. It just seemed like the right thing to do. One thing I do know, is that I need help! Some days I just want to stick my finger down my throat and train myself to starve again, but I know it's unhealthy, and a temporary fix. I also felt pretty bad while I was doing this.
If there is anyone out there who is touched by my story and who would like to help in ANY way, I welcome you with opened arms. I NEED to lose this weight, and I NEED to keep it off. However, it must be done in a way that is HEALTHY! Many days, I just want to stay in bed. When I eat too much and feel bloated, I actually do whatever I can to avoid going out in public. I avoid wearing clothes that show belly fat, and I style my hair to hide my round face. I even feel embarrassed while I grocery shop, sometimes. As young as I am, all I know is being a mom. I avoid clubs, and I spend my free time playing The Sims 3.
I'm tired of being uncomfortable in my own skin. I can NOT stay fat the rest of my life...