Hi, I'm new here but I thought I'd jump on in. Today's been a particularly challenging day for me -- and what I've come away with is quite a lot of anger.
My partner of 5-1/2 years does not like my body. In fact, he dislikes it so much that he won't touch me; we haven't been intimate in all the time we've been together.
What hurts most of all is that he seems completely willing to give up this relationship if I'm not going to lose weight. AND he insists that I haven't tried, I don't want to (or I would have), I don't care about "us" because I haven't lost weight, and I'm not going to do it. This is where the anger comes in! I told him in no uncertain terms... he's NOT in my head, he has no idea what I'm thinking or if I want to or no, AND if I do it -- it's going to be for ME.
So now I have all this anger to contend with. And no, I haven't left him, but I'm definitely keeping one foot in and one foot out the door.
Does anyone else here have any experience with this? My guy loves his "adult" pictures, tells me I have a pretty face but... and he's no Adonis by the way. He says he can't work with someone who looks like me.
I've taken anti-depressants but went off them a few months ago because all they did was add another 20 pounds to me and they really didn't help at all. I'm an emotional eater from childhood, and I work on resisting that every day. I'm starting FitDay today in hopes of being able to better track my meals and log my activity, etc. I like how I can track my moods, too. I know it's all tied together. I'm also using Bodybuilding.com; I'm looking for inspiration and motivation and it's not going to come from being told I'm not attractive by the man I love. I have to see people actually accomplishing what I'd like to do -- even if I never achieve a bodybuilder's body (and I really don't want to), I want to get strong and toned and lean and healthy for ME and no one else.
Sorry for the long first post. I just needed to let out a big long breath and get started.