Originally Posted by differentinside
Yep, canary, I agree, because I have seen the way men treated me when I was thin. I could tell I was getting fat simply because they were treating me differently. How predictable! Now, not all men are like that, I have seen a few golden ones, and most of the time they are with a lady that is a little less attractive (on the outside) but they are total sweethearts.
As for the sex thing, my husband would unfortunately look at porn than be with me. I don't understand that,but hey, he is over 300 pounds, so I'm thinking he's insecure as well. He won't talk about it, I hit a brick wall every time I bring it up. I went from having sex every day ten years ago with him to maybe once a month if I'm lucky? And he wonders why I'm such a grouch sometimes!
Wow this is turning into a deep conversation and I will do my best to tread lightly. Yes, men have confidence issues too and things like age, weight, general health and alcohol can affect sexual performance. Men also think about sex a great deal but at least in my case, I am not saying "Too fat, Too thin, Just right". There is much more to developing a relationship than just sex. Now saying that, sex is always somewhere in the mix. I know that being overweight does make me less confident. Fortunately it does not stop me from having sex.
As for porn... I will admit to using it, but it does not replace my relationship. My GF and I have even each shared things that we thought were interesting and/or stimulating, but it is a very difficult thing to share. There is a lot of emotion at stake there. I would suggest that men use porn because it is easy; by that I mean there is no judgement involved. It is a fantasy fourm that does not ostensibly put you at risk.
On the negative side, it can be very damaging to relationships. You are engaging in a selfish enterprise that in many cases excludes the woman you love. A man may do this because he is secretly ashamed of the fantasies he has or maybe he does not want to be held accountable for his desires.
If possible, I would suggest you have a frank, open discussion with your mate. Ask to see what it is he is looking at and see if you can discuss why his interest in you had diminished. It may be condifence, or even the lack of confidence that you display. It may be other things. Of course if it is a serious problem, then professional counseling is an option. I know that most men would not accept this. After all, if they are too ashamed to share with their wife, they are not likely to share with a therapist.
I know that I can be a vain, sensitive, arrogant, condescending, spoiled creature. But I would also like to think I am not all bad. I also do not think I am too different from other men.