Hi Hellcat! It sounds like you have had some rough times. I have found good support on this site, especially for exercise.
Don't beat yourself up for not having succeeded yet in losing weight: it is a hard thing to do. First, there is a lot of bad information out there about how to do it. Second, it requires ignoring a constant barrage of food cues from the "food industry." Third, it requires eating differently than 90% of your friends, at a time in your life when friends are really important. Fourth, the foods that are best for those of us losing weight - low-carb vegetables and lean protein - are not the ones that are readily available in most places. It sounds like you might be at the stage of life when you have reached your full adult size - which means you need fewer calories than you did when you were growing. This can be a hard adjustment even without emotional challenges.
So celebrate the small victories! Give yourself permission to experiment with diet and exercise: try a plan for two weeks. Track how you feel as well as your weight. Journal your challenges and successes and feelings. Then assess at the end of two weeks. What is working? What isn't? Tweak and try again. When someone gives you "a diet," check it against other scientific sources. (the online Science News site can be a good source of information.) You will find people on this site use a variety of techniques to achieve success - browsing around will give you ideas that you can check against your experience.
Let your boyfriend know how he can support you. Do you exercise together? Would you like to? Does he support your eating plan, or does he expect you to eat like him? Ultimatums might provide you with some initial motivation, but for you to succeed you need his support, not his judgment. Ultimately, this is something you are doing for yourself. You are investing in long-term health and energy and fitness. You are worth it!
age 55, mother of two young women
present weight 175. highest weight 190. goal 150 and fit.