Originally Posted by ahappieru
I think Moms mean well by what they say but it just made me eat more. I was worried about my Daughters weight for awhile but I made sure I didn't say anything unless she brought it up first. Then I was careful about what I said. My seventeen year old son is a little over weight, he talks to me about it now and then but again I am careful about what I say. He can see that my husband (diabetic) and I try to stay healthy by walking and eating right (most of the time). Everyone falls off the wagon now and then. Stay strong mamas0407
I really related to this because I have been afraid and concerned about my DD's weight for a long time, especially due to health issues in the family on both sides (high bp, diabetes, heart disease, stroke, you name it.) And also because it is tough in this society being heavier. It was heartbreaking to hear my talented DD say she didn't get a lead role in a school play because "no one gives the lead to the fat girl." Or to hear her say that guys only seem to like the thin girls. And I know I said some less than sensitive things trying to be "helpful" and I am learning to do what ahappieru has done and not say anything; let her bring it up and let it be about health and eating better and exercising rather than fat/thin. It was also heartbreaking to her her ask "Can't anyone just love me as I am?"
You should be loved just as you are and as a teacher once told me very few people respond well to insult and criticism. All these negative comments don't help anyway; it only makes us feel worse, more depressed, more prone to overeat. No one has the right to be mean: not your Mom, not your significant other, no one. We all have our struggles. People ARE insensitive (moms included and maybe especially Moms.) And your husband's remark...well can we say clueless? Try to forgive and let go of the hurt if you can and realize that you can achieve your goals (we are here to help and support you) but you are perfectly lovable and worthy of love just the way you are. I wish I had said that to my own DD more often and I pray that she hears it when I do say it and that for her at 18 it is not too little too late. I have spent most of my life with weight issues, diet obsession, on a new eating plan every other week and I don't blame DD for not wanting to be like me (she refuses to diet) but I still say to her try to eat well and take care of yourself. I wish I could have modeled healthier behavior but I am trying now. Ah, the damage we do in "trying to help." Just know this: you can do it, mama, don't give up.