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Old 05-30-2012, 05:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 443

Originally Posted by genesis23 View Post
I am in a very similar boat with my father. I didn't see any mention of whether or not your dad has a wife/partner, because if he does and she can be of any help, my first thought is to partner up with her and see if you two can help coax your dad in the right direction.
He's married to my mom but she feels equally powerless. We've tried to encourage him to eat healthy but he does NOT like to be pushed and we feel like it will just cause more problems if he feels like he's being 'nagged'.

My dad is probably up near 280 or 300lb and is a big guy (barrel-chested, sturdy build), but he is definitely obese. I'm sure that that's where I've gotten most of my (old) poor eating habits from. My dad is extremely intelligent, logical, and ridiculously bullheaded. He refuses to listen to "his kid" about nutrition, because he's the king of his castle and how could I know something he doesn't. Usually he's right, but in this case he's wrong.
My dad has the same type of attitude. I need him to listen to me though and I feel like I'm going to finally snap if I don't say something again but I don't want to say it the wrong way and just get him angry with me. I'm 34 but he still talks to me like I'm 5 sometimes. I love him but he's really bullheaded and stubborn and I think on some level he doesn't really believe that the food he eats corresponds to his weight.

I don't have much sound advice besides "you're not alone". A lot of guys from the older generation are SO set in their ways, even if their ways are detrimental to their health. They have doctors and nutritionists telling them what to do and how to change their ways, and it's just waved off with "oh, I'm not doing that, it's stupid." My dad had a heart attack 4 years ago, and he has cut back on his sodium and red meat (to a point), but he still sits his arse on the couch with the "low calorie" chips (and eats the whole bag) and routinely brings cakes and breads and meats into the house while I'm trying to make quinoa with grilled veggies and lean chicken (which is delicious, by the way).
Thank you. That also sounds very familiar.

He gives me this line of nonsense about his "quality of life" as though it's an excuse to eat poorly and be lazy. My mother knows he's doing himself wrong but there's only so far she can push him before he does the "woman, please" dismissal. He considers a slow meandering walk with the dog around the block to be his "cardio activity", and then he has several drinks and polishes off some kind of white flour, processed sugar treat as his "reward".

Frankly, I have almost resigned myself to the fact that he is probably going to die "young(ish)". I'm not going to suggest that you threaten him with ultimatums, but perhaps you could discuss with him that you won't be physically able to care for him if it becomes necessary. If the funds for personal care aren't there either, he may be in a really tight spot if he continues on his current course. If you've already had this talk, it might be pointless, because I'm responded to with an eyeroll and a "yes, dear, thank you for your concern" dismissal.
I've told him this before and I told him if I need to help him get to the bathroom (like I had to help his mom when she was sick years ago) that I won't be able to. I told him that when his mom was alive she was very frail and thin and yet she felt like a ton of bricks when I was helping her carrying most of her body weight to help her get to the bathroom, and that there's no way I'll be able to help him do the same if I need to because he's too heavy and I don't want him to end up in a nursing home if I can avoid it. I'm afraid even there they would just let him sit in it and then try to cover up any evidence before I got there because honestly I don't trust those kinds of workers after they stole things from my grandmother.

I'm not much help, but believe me I know how you feel. Best of luck, and if I figure out anything worthwhile I'll get back to you!
Thank you and I wish that my dad was the only one like this because I don't want anybody else to hurt themselves. At the same time it's somewhat comforting to know I'm not all alone in these types of feelings. Thanks for your reply.
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