I totally hear you. I gained weight with my pregnancy, but I gained more after it. My hubby wasn't saying anything (he's big too) but my mom was on a crusade. She was trying to talk to me about diet plans the day after my son was born, in the hospital, and she just got more pushy from there. I tried to shrug it off, but it did make me really ashamed and took my self-confidence.
The thing is, though, losing weight for other people doesn't work. People making comments and jokes about your weight isn't going to make you lose weight. What finally made me start, actually, was that I was having digestive problems and didn't want to feel sick anymore. Nothing to do with my weight, and certainly nothing to do with what other people were saying.
Women gain weight when they have babies. It doesn't always fall off the second their baby comes out (in fact, it almost never does). If you were struggling with a lack of sleep (which most new moms do), or post partum depression, it's really difficult to lose weight. You haven't done anything wrong, or anything to be ashamed of (but, I know, I would have rolled my eyes hearing this too). It took me two years to get started, but when I was ready to do it for myself, it clicked.
I don't know if you can talk to your husband and family about it, but you need to tell them that they need to butt out, that it's perfectly normal to be heavier than you were before, and that shaming you isn't going to do anything positive. If they love you, they need to love you for who you are and be supportive and encouraging.
Start: Feb 1/12 - 203lbs
Currently: 173.5 lbs
mini goal: 168 lbs
final goal: 140lbs