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Old 04-03-2010, 07:57 PM   #20 (permalink)
desertmountain
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 217
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SkinnyErinn View Post
Before anyone gets confuzzled - I am in a same-gender relationship, lol.
Ok, so my partner and I just got into an argument about Sweet Tarts. Apparently, she's had them for weeks. First off, let me preface this by explaining that yesterday we went shopping for Easter goodies yesterday and while I wanted to focus on the non-edible stuff like toys, she kept going to chocolate (because I knew she was really going to be the one eating it, we don't allow our daughter to have candy and our son it too young).
So flash forward to this morning. I go into the office and find her secret stash of Sweet Tarts. She says it's to help her quit smoking. I ask why she couldn't just have sugar free certs or something. She freaks out on me, says I am always "all or nothing" and throws the candy in the trash, storming out.
We are always arguing about her lifestyle. She is obese, extremely inactive and has just about the worse eating habits one could have. She says that because she only has about 70 pounds to lose, she shouldn't have to change anything until I have only 70 pounds to lose, so we can lose them together. I just hear excuses and laziness.
SO, what do you think, am I being petty and controlling?
What I've learned from living with someone who's not very interested in changing their eating habits is to let it go. What I hear her saying is that when she's ready, she'll join you. She's not ready. She probably needs your support right now by understanding that her choice, although not the best, is helping her to do something very hard, quit smoking. I don't think that it's petty or controlling to see your loved one doing things that hurts them & want to help them see it, too. But, since you've pointed out the chocolate thing to her (hopefully you did anyways) I'm not sure what else you can do. As frustrating as it is, as an adult, it's her choice. I hope it's just temporary b/c she quitting & that she now sees what she was or is doing.
You'll be a good influence on her just buying & cooking the things you eat now. I've noticed that dh has been buying low fat & sugar-free foods on his own lately, which is new. Since I'll be eating this way from now on, I cook whatever, and there's always enough for him as well, but he often will just make his own high cal/high fat stuff. Although it would be a healthier choice for him, he's not ready to eat this way. We're both foodies...love to cook & be creative in the kitchen so it could have been a major problem for me (us) but the arrangement we came up with is that I made up a list of foods that he can't cook or bring into the house b/c I have a really hard time with not eating it, like pizza (drool) or pastries. If he wants it he can eat out and that's how he supports me. He also says good stuff about how I look different already & of course that helps me, too.
Even though it'd be super wonderful to have them join us, we can only expect them to do what they can do to be supportive. Another idea to help her that you might try is some form of activity to help her to get into exercise. It's always fun to have someone to take a walk with, maybe you could start a family tradition for everyone to go for an after dinner stroll or something along those lines. That would also support her quit since they say that it increases endorphins which is suppose to make the nicotine cravings less so I've heard.
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