Eye Opening Moment-they don't come often enough...
...But when they do, it can alter your world. Please share an eye opening moment that might help the rest of us identify something important about ourselves.
I had a real eye opening moment last night. I was reading Julie Hadden's book Fat Chance, and had reached the chapter where she related her insecurities and daily difficulties in being fat. I had been comfortably reading for awhile, but I wasn't tired as the clock indicated that I should be. The book had captured my attention, and I was alert and still energized, but now I was hungry. I had only had a salad for dinner, but it was a huge salad with spring greens and romaine hearts, real olive oil dressing, roasted asparagus, grape tomatoes, and parmesan cheese...very satisfying. But my thoughts were wandering from the book, to mexican food. I was hungry! I told myself that was normal since it had been 4 hours since I ate that salad.
I went to the kitchen, and toasted flour tortillas with cheddar cheese on them. Here is the problem...just one didn't look sufficient. I made 4 tortillas, and used a piece of cheddar that was about the size of 75% of a stick of butter. I didn't even stop to weigh it, because I was so intent on getting that prep done, the cheese melted, and my "snack" in my mouth.
I brought my full plate back with me to my book to read. As I finished the plate, and continued reading, my eyes were fully opened to what I had just done. It had little to do with hunger, and less to do with providing my body with healthy resources. I was reading about the pain of being fat, and had distanced myself from that well written chapter that resonated so clearly with me, that I had run to the kitchen for distance from what I was feeling...a "commercial break" if you will. I couldn't have just sat there and concentrate on what I was reading. That was the problem. I couldn't deal with what I was reading, but was not aware I was having an overpowering emotional reaction.
I was far more uncomfortable than I had realized and had just caught myself in a clear episode of EMOTIONAL EATING. I had always told myself that I just ate too much for my activity level, but have not in the past taken the emotional eating thing seriously on a day to day basis. Sure, when I was distraught, I tended to want either high fat food or no food at all. I thought this was normal in times of extreme upset, and the fact that I could lose my desire for any food at all was an indication that I was not eating to sidestep emotion.
And here it was, right in my face. The book was dredging up my own feelings of insecurity and unhappiness. And I dealt with them by bingeing on totillas and cheese without thinking. I could have had a few almonds, or a glass of milk, fully satisfied my hunger and continued to read. But no...I had to have grilled cheese tortillas, not one but four! It seemed like a large snack or small meal at the time, but it was 850 extra calories! That's more than half my daily food, all in one compact snack.
Now, this morning my weight has increased, even after I had been so pleased to have hit a minor goal yesterday. I suppose I can look forward to hitting that goal again the second time around.
I want to remember this.
I am a full blown "heavy on the fat & carbs" EMOTIONAL EATER" !!!!!
Last edited by rockymtnsavvy; 03-16-2010 at 08:44 PM.