Sounds like you are looking deep within yourself for the reasons behind being overweight. Now that you see what they are...the goal is to try to control them to the point that you can lose the weight and maintain that while still having the occasional celebratory dinner or dessert.
You have come to the right place for support and encouragement. And yes, we all share a lot of personal info on this forum. That is the great thing about the internet you can be as personal as you want to be while keeping your identity secret. That allows for a lot more open honesty at times.