Dragonfly, it sounds like you are really depressed and down on yourself. Can you find a therapist that can help you work through some of those issues?
Or there are a few books out there on self-compassion. They have done some studies that show that people who have more self-compassion lose more weight. There is a book called "The Self-Compassion Diet" which comes with guided meditation. Also, a book Oprah liked called "Women, Food and God" which seems to deal with the reasons why we eat and how to deal with that. I also read a good book called "Feel good Naked" which has some good stories.
I think if you work on self-esteem, self-confidence and self-compassion as you work on the weight issues, it will lead to better results. IMHO