It sounds like you are worn down by the things you have had to go through. No one can fault you for that. Have you talked to your doctor about your depression, or to a therapist? Sometimes those feelings just don't go away on their own, and it can be hard to find the energy to lose weight when you are dealing with them. Food isn't going to do it for you...like drugs, it only helps comfort you in the short term while doing long term damage.
I'm hearing a person who is getting ready to take the bull by the horns and take a step forward...so no hating! It is one thing to hate your weight; it is another thing to hate yourself...no one deserves that. Obviously you have a lot of strength to go through all those medical issues. The person you are is not how you look...I hope you can honestly take a look at yourself and find your good qualities, because they are definitely there!
I hope you keep coming back. Here and elsewhere, take care of yourself, make the best choices you can, and ask for what you need. You don't have to do it alone!
And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good.