I can understand how you feel to some degree, at35. I ballooned at 18 from 125 lbs. to 175 lbs. in 8 months--as a 5'2" woman, that's a massive amount and I've gained about 35 lbs. since then. I've been trying and failing to lose the weight in the nearly 7 years hence and have had the same realizations as you: EVEN IF I DO THIS, I will only be at X weight in 6 months! I want so much to just lose everything and be slim and healthy INSTANTLY, but the weight piling on happened much faster than the weight will come off and it's only this year I've really come to accept that.
I have read that the more overweight one is, the more eager the body will be to start shedding pounds, and I think once you start another dedicated restriction of calories, you'll notice a difference quite soon. It won't be overnight. I wish it was. I think mecompco is a great role model for you--his advice is sound and he's made a great deal of progress in under 8 months after having started at a higher weight than you're at. I'm not saying your weight loss will have the same trajectory--who can predict how each individual's body will react?--but it's an example of what CAN change for you, from someone who's been in your shoes.
I hope that you can find it in yourself to try to lose the weight again. I also understand the feeling 'big' wherever one goes. I feel like I'm constantly judged for my own weight wherever I go, but it's nigh-impossible for those who haven't struggled with weight gain to understand how helpless one feels when it begins and how difficult habits are to change. It's definitely a great start that you find yourself here! Welcome and good luck to you.