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Old 12-09-2010, 04:45 AM   #10 (permalink)
pinenutcasserole
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 66
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Hey! I've just skimmed this thread - but are you still on antidepressants?

I was on Paxil for 5 years. In which time I went from 150 (5'7) to 199 lbs. Was also living with parents at the time, and in my twenties. I decided not to carry on taking it.

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Digression on that:
This might be controversial, but frankly, I'm anti anti-depressants now. In my case, I found it flattened all the good aspects of my sensitivity, and left me numb, but with the same life problems. Except I didn't care about them any more. I was a trained singer, and I stopped caring about music. I used to be very attuned to people's feelings. That stopped - I'd just blurt things out, without any censorship. Made for awkwardness that I could recognize, but not feel. I lost my intellectual drive, which was a defining trait, all my life. Good news: most of these qualities, as I'll call them crudely, have come back.

I found my experience confirmed by many, many people. Since then (five years on), there's been an increasing volume of scholarship showing anti-depressants are no better than placebo. (Studies that showed this had not been published by the FDA or by professional journals.) Anti-depressants are worse than placebo, because you get the noxious side effects (some of which include depression, anxiety, and insomnia - what's the point?) If you want links to more information, let me know.

My view now is that you can manage mood with exercise. You can get better at living in the world by doing it. Small steps always. Meaning is always a problem. Journalling helps me a lot (google 'expressive writing'). Reading does too. Curtailing ruminating behaviours is important. I really believe in old-school occupational therapy. Keeping busy with some silly and not so silly hobbies is a kind of magic. Also, these things enrich your life, and make you better...

If I'm totally honest, my life took some dark turns after what I'd thought was my bottom. I can't discount that. Now, I'm grateful for every minute. I feel more positive about life in general, and am *finally* focussed on what I need to do.

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A big move was part of all this. I left my parents' (also suburban) house for a big city. I did this after discontinuing my Paxil use - that, by the way, took a year. (Don't even try it without research, if it's something you want to do. )

I lost 50 lbs in 6 months. I didn't particularly change my diet or exercise - it was just walking every day, and working. (Had been a terrible student for too long.)

Moving to Portland will do you a WORLD of good. Glad you have your sister. Hopefully that's a solid relationship! Suggest working hard to do your own thing when you get there, so as to avoid strain - you guys'll have all kinds of stresses just from the move.

Sorry for ramming my opinions down your throat. I know things are hard for you right now. You wouldn't be taking ADs if you felt you had another choice, if things weren't as bad as they've been. I had a similar experience, and came out the other end.

I don't have fibromyalgia, so can't speak to that - but all my life have had various aches and pains, and a sluggish energy. I thought I'd be that way forever. Exercise has really, really helped all this. Moving out helped more! I mean I'm not the Energizer bunny or anything, but I can get a lot more done in a day than before. Still have problems with organization, and am working on sleep (could fill another page on that, with more advice), but it's improving.

Your life can change dramatically. You're doing the right things
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