Cassie--Thank you so much for your kind words! I know that other people likely have experienced similar things as me as far as antidepressants and environment are concerned. I do take heart in that because they've overcome it and that means there's some hope for me, too.
I've vacillated from wanting to lose weight and 'be pretty' to just wanting to be healthy, whatever that takes or means, so I go from the goal-oriented MUST LOSE 20 POUNDS IN 3 MONTHS mode of thinking to the LET'S JUST EAT MORE VEGGIES way of thinking and back again. I've had to cut out all red meat and too much dairy from my diet already because of IBS, and I feel like for the most part, I probably eat better than I did as a teenager. However, I'm awful at portion-control and easily overeat when I know I should stop well in advance. I need to try harder to 'maintain' as you say. It IS an uphill battle, though, against cravings.
I actually saw a nutritionist once who just told me to drink more water and I did that, and largely cut out caloric drinks from my diet to no avail. I saw another one who gave me a plan to follow that didn't seem rigid until I tried it and found I just couldn't stick with it when I had school and everything going on. I've got a pamphlet from my doctor to go and get a health assessment from the hospital and plan to do that this week. I just keep wondering if anything I do will help or be something I can stick with.
Thanks again for the comments. I do appreciate them and I'll try to keep coming back to see what others have to say/read their stories and to ask for advice. It's good to know I'm not alone, and I will try to be gentle with myself.
"Oh, he is gone... he's my insatiable one." -- Suede.
Current Weight: 207.4 lbs. (6 December 2010)
Short-Term Goal: 188 lbs. (12 February 2011)
After That: 165 lbs. (April 2011?)
And Beyond: 140 lbs. (August 2011?)
(Very) Long-Term Goal: 125 lbs. (December 2011? Never?)