New fat girl saying hello!!
Hi you all. I suppose that at this point I'm desperate, so I started looking up "diet places" online. I don't know where to start, what to do, eat or breathe, I don't know how to cook, I don't know left from right in this weight business...I keep trying to lose it, but it keeps finding me back!
I'm an only child who began her steady relationship with weight gain right when her only parent (and Friend and Family and everything else) died. I've tried controlling my portions, eating 5-6 times a day (healthier stuff), but I fall back into the midnight meals - it's not that I get up and have an appetite, I can never sleep before 3 or 4 am. I've mustered all the resolve that my personal & physical strength allow me to, and still, I'm at the heaviest I've ever been (nearing 230lbs at 5'6"), I can hear my joints crack jokes about me, I've had the first surgery of my entire life (appendix), and I'm having the oddest symptoms come and go: from suddenly throwing up for no reason or after eating certain things I never had a problem with (cheddar cheese & sparkling water being oddly strong triggers), and when throwing up, I feel my organs cramp (not muscles, ORGANS), and it's painful as hell (usually I have to throw myself on the floor and twist & turn and heavily massage my abdominal area for them to go away). I am now more scared because my stool has been of an odd consistence and color, & per what I've read, though I feel fine, I'm afraid I might have something horrible.
I can't go to something like Weight-Watchers because I lost my job (great, huh?) & am barely scraping by, & I'm so worried about dying I can't even begin to tell you.
Anyhow...sorry to ramble on (I guess I really took the "introduction" term literally). If anyone picks up an interest in telling me where I can start, I'd appreciate it. I really don't know where to look to for support or what kind of support to look for, so any guidance will be more than appreciated.
Totally Lost Overly Fat Girl.