Take the calorie calculators with a grain of salt
You can't tell whether you're adding lean body mass (weight training builds bone density, too) by the number on the scale anyway. You'd need to have your body fat measured at intervals to see if your body composition is changing.
There are a few places to do this and several methods, but you'd need to seek help from someone who knows what they're doing. For example, some trainers don't know how to take skin fold measurements properly with the callipers they weild, making the numbers meaningless.
I would suggest you look for a Registered Dietician (look for "RD" after the name) to meet with a few times. He or she will help you analyze what you're doing, give you reliable information and sound advice about how to meet your goals. Your health insurance might even cover the fee. Many will.
Go to http://www.eatright.org/ and click on 'find a registered dietician'. An RD can even help you with the body composition questions, or point you to knowledgeable people who can.