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Old 05-31-2010, 05:33 AM   #1 (permalink)
amylee32
FitDay Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 42
Default :(

Oh I don't know where to start. I am so disappointed in myself. I have been really, really struggling the last week and a half. All I want to do is EAT. And not eat healthy, good-for-me food. I am wanting chocolate, pizza, chinese food, chips, anything and everything salty, sweet and fattening. Doesn't help that I am PMS'ing. Last month I had the horrible cravings, but I held pretty strong and did ok. This time around, well...not so strong. In the last 3 days I have had pizza, chips, chinese, S'MORES (lots of them), chocolate, hot dogs, everything! This morning I weighed myself and honestly there is only a very minor weight change (0.4 lbs) which is a normal flucuation for me. That is a small consolation. I am truly terrified to weigh myself in the morning because today has been the worst day so far. What is WRONG with me??? Seriously?? I am down 53 pounds! Isn't that motivation enough for me? Do I seriously need to sit here and battle with myself over eating crap?? UGH!! I am just ANGRY at myself!!

To make the whole day even better, I had the most horrible experience today. I was at an auction and a group of 3 people sat behind me and my daughter. They started talking VERY loudly..said "look at the heffer sitting in front of us" and "oink oink". I was trying to tell myself that they were talking about somebody else, but then they started kicking my chair and saying "Look, I'm kicking a heffer! I'm trying to tip a cow!" and continued to "oink" at me. Not sure where they got the idea that heffers oink, but hey... I was/am so embarassed. I just wanted to cry. Still do. I got up an moved seats, but didn't say anything to the people. Wasn't worth it.

Sorry to ramble...I'm not sure why I feel the need to spill this all on here, but it helps me feel like I'm sorting stuff out. Thanks for reading/listening.
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